After Bill Pay

Ugh, right now my finances suck. Not really terrible pleased with where I'm at currently.

What I have
Checking: $17.68
Savings: $1823.94

What I Owe
Student Loan: $83.750.71
Credit Card: $165.86

I realized something the other day. My spending freeze is like an extreme diet. Instead of going slow and steady, hitting the gym and watching my intake I'm starving myself and running marathons. I'm really proud of how much I've paid off on my student loans but right now I need to work out a livable budget.

I've tried to balance too much on too little. My budget is perfect when things are going right but when they're not or when something comes up (car issues, birthdays, computer problems) it leaves me scrambling and without any money (example: I have $17 bucks to live off of for the next two weeks).

When I get paid again on the 15th instead of immediately paying a huge chunk payment and living off the rest, I'm going to pay off my credit card and pay any remaining bills (I think my utilities should be due around that time) with the remaining I'll then get food and maybe a tank of gas AND THEN I'll pay a chunk towards my student loan. I'm bummed because I won't see the huge decrease I like but I'm getting so tired of being so stressed and broke. I realized the other day that I'm not really broke at all, I make awesome money and I'm causing myself financial hardship by living outside of my means with my student loan repayments. Living within your means doesn't just refer to spending habits but saving habits and debt repayment habits.

In happier news: Can you believe how freakin' close I am to paying off 10k in principal on this loan?!?!?!?! Realistically I consider myself only in repayment for this year (I think the first year I only knocked off something sad like $900 in principal). In 6 months I have paid off $6,250 in principal!!!!

So true......

This about sums it up

I have no problem paying off my student loans but let's take a real long look at what my generation has had to pay in tuition fees and interest rates. This shit is ridiculous.

Pay Day Finances

I want to start monitoring my spending/debt more closely. I feel that it will help to keep me more strict and honest with my budget plus it really feeds my Type A personality to organize everything.

Today I got paid (yay!) which means that I have to go in and pay all my bills (boo!). Here's the current breakdown:

What I have:

Checking: $1318.93
Savings: $1825.18
Pocket book: $20 from babysitting

What I owe:
Credit card: $109.36
Utilities: $116.51

I plan on using the money I have from babysitting to put gas into my tank (I'm going home this weekend for a late mother's day and will definitely need it). I'm also babysitting tonight and the $30 or $40 bucks I earn from that will go towards paying for photos I had printed for my Mom's Mother's Day gift (only $10!) and then a birthday happy hour I plan on attending this Friday. If I pay all of my bills plus my usual $1000 on my student loans I will only have $93 left in my checking and I will have put nothing away for savings. Sort of a bummer.

My plan is to pay my utility bill in full (because lights and air conditioning are pretty nifty), pay $50 towards my credit card, and pay $1000 towards my student loan.

I find the only way I can stomach paying so much on my student loan is to do it very early in the morning on pay day. That way I'm still sleepy/out of it and my brain doesn't have time to process all the fun things I could do with an extra grand each month. Plus, since it's pay day I'm not used to seeing so much in my bank account. Most days when I log into my account I see something awesome like I only have $27 bucks to live on for 2 weeks.

The thing that makes it easier is that I'm telling myself that I'm just doing it for one year. Now I do have a 5 year plan to pay off my 90k student loan but all I'm holding myself accountable for is one year. I just have to pay a lot this year and next year things will be easier. I will have paid it (hopefully) down into the $70,000 ish area which will be easier to deal with/look at/live with than 90K. Once I've done my first year I'll look at my budget and realize that by the end of year two I should have it down to around $50k. Once I get it below $50k I can slow down a bit. The interest each month will be lower, it's a more typical student loan amount than close to $100k. I'll be able to save more for a house and maybe even feel more comfortable spending money on fun things. I've just got to take it one pay day at a time.

GOAL

I'm 90% I didn't do the last few days on my 14 days of Love blog thing. I was so out of it on cold medication last week I honestly don't care. I'm finally coming through the worst of it though. My sore throat has disappeared and now I'm just a walking bucket of snot. Which actually isn't too bad; at least I can blow my nose and move on with my life without having to take intense medication that makes me a walking zombie.

So I spent a couple of days doing my best to map out my financial future. It's imbedded in my DNA to try to plan and organize even if it's silly. My life sometimes feels like a series of jokes and downfalls of my plans. What is that saying? "Best laid plans"? I'm making this financial map with a big, giant, humongous grain of salt. I know things occur, I know bad stuff comes up, I know that there will always be road blocks to my goals. HOWEVER, I will work my hardest to reach my goal so I can finally be debt free.

Using an Excel spreadsheet I worked out the numbers if I continue to pay $1745.60 a month in student loans. My original deal with Wells Fargo was a $90,000 loan on a 30 year repayment plan that when calculated with interest will eventually cost me around $230,000 to pay back. BUT, if I stick to my twice a month payment planing (paying a total of $1745.60 a month) I will finish paying off my loan by April 1st of 2018.

It's both amazing and heartbreaking for me to potentially be free of this loan in 5 years. Amazing because not many people can rid themselves of such a large amount of debt in such a short amount of time. Heartbreaking because even though I'll finally be free of debt I'm going to have to miss out on so much. I'll be 33 the time this is (maybe) over. Only then will I be able to start saving for a house and that will take me a few years to do. By the time I can afford a house payment I'll be (probably) 35 or 36. Only then will it be responsible to have children (at least for me). I'm still partially on the fence about having children but I know that if I was to have them I'd want it to be earlier than that. I sometimes think it's best to put away certain life plans because it makes me feel too sad about my current situation. Luckily, I doubt I'll ever get married which (for me) is such a blessing because I could never afford a wedding (even one of those super adorable cheap-y Pinterest weddings).

I don't want this post to be a super bum out, even if I am feeling pretty bummed out right about now. For the past few years my heart has been pulled toward fostering children. Maybe this whole debt thing is to prevent me from having my own biological children because I have a bunch of lovely foster children just waiting for me. I would love to hit 33, be debt free, start creating my dream home and then bringing in loads and loads of children who just need love. I babysit for a friend of mine sometimes and baby's are hard. They crawl everywhere and it's your job to teach this little thing how to be a person. That's a pretty insane thing to do. When you foster children you get this lovely little human who pretty much already knows the basics and it's your job to love them and give them a better home than what they came from. How easy is that?!?! These children come from terrible homes with drug addicted and abusive parents. To be a great parent to them you just have to be there and be healthy and loving. I'm awesome at that.

I figured out a way to make this repayment a little easier to swallow. A reward system (a reward other than the joy I get from not being in debt). Every time I pay off $10,000 in principle I get to buy myself a present. With each $10,000 principle pay off the gifts can get better. They can be whatever I want. I've estimated paying off $10,000 in principle by September 2013 and I've already started thinking about what I want. Nice makeup? Some new clothes? Basically, I want to drop $50-$100 on myself. Yes, that money could go towards my loans but it's nice to treat yourself.

Crunching Numbers

Source

Way, way, way back in September of 2011 I posted my monthly budget. I was trying to figure out ways to save up for my student loan bills. It was after that time that I was mailed the letter saying I owed $821 a month in student loans. I want to take a look back and update the numbers to see how far I've come in a little over a year.

Looking back I have no idea how I managed to scrap an extra $745.60 out of my 2011 finances. I know I couldn't really afford to make any more payments on my previous student loan which was embarrassing and frustrating. Luckily, my Mom was able to help me with that. I am very proud to say that I have made every student loan payment now myself and even though it's hard I feel very accomplished for doing this.

How I saved money this past year:
-Got a better job where I make about $10,000 more a year (thank you Lord!!)
-Moved in with my boyfriend, splitting the costs of bills is a life saver
-Free cable and Internet due to my boyfriends job (yes!)

I've been taking the bus more and more which is great at saving on gas costs. I've been terrible about it this past month because it's been really cold and I've been working two jobs. Leaving the house at 5am or 6am and getting off at 10pm is hard enough without having to wait for a bus. But it's definitely my goal to take it more this month. Got to pinch pennies where ever you can!

If you noticed above the difference between what I spend now versus what I make leaves a nice little chunk of ~$1000 left each month. This would be the extra $1000 I plan on spending each month on my student loans. I had contemplated just making an additional payment each month and putting the rest in savings but the difference is pretty astounding:

I remember every time I called Wells Fargo and asked for help I never understood why they only thing they suggested was paying more. Now I sort of get it, it's the interest that kills you. I'm at about 8% interest right now and most of what I pay doesn't do anything to chip away at the principal loan. They way I see it, this year I'm paying around $6000 dollars in interest no matter what, I'd rather pay a little extra and pay off $3000 more of my loan. I've done the math for about 2 years out and if I keep making huge payments I could knock it down to around $50,000 which is so much more manageable than close to $100,000. Now, this math is all based around my interest rate staying at 8%, knowing my luck it'll skyrocket to a million and I'll just die. However, if that doesn't happen, or if *gasp* luck could smile down upon me and LOWER that interest rate I can make such a huge interest in 2 years. I'm a little bummed about not being able to save for a house but once I pay off this thing I'll have so much extra cash it'll take me a year to save up.

So that's it. That's my financial goal for this year. Pay as much of this silly, stupid, God awful loan off as I can. However, here's the catch. I want to be able to do it and still have a life. I read an article recently about a guy who managed to pay off $26,500 in student debt in 2 years. This is great. Except dude did some CRAZY ass shit, like not turning on the heater in Atlanta winters. I turn on the heater and I live in Texas. He also sometimes ate spoiled food. I'm all about financial goals and sacrifices but I want to prove that it is entirely possible to save money and pay off debt without becoming a shell of a person. I can live life and live it BETTER than before because I'm becoming more and more financially sound.

Mid Year Resolutions

I like lists. Especially to-do lists. Like, a lot. There's just something so satisfying with creating a list of things I need/want to do and then crossing them off. It's very satisfying. A few months ago I made New Years Resolutions (like a million [billion??] other people). A few months later I held myself accountable for them. Now that we're officially half way through the year I want to check in again to measure my progress and also add a few more to the list.

So, here are the resolutions that I had:

Resolutions
1. Join a library/read more   I joined a library in January or February and I've been pretty good about regularly going and checking out books. But honestly, you can never read too much.  So maybe I can modify this resolution with a new one: Read at least 2 new books a month. 

2. Lose weight: FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK. So, you know what, I still suck at this one. I have hit a plateau of all plateaus :( BUT! I've recently fired myself up about changing that :) I stumbled upon a Tumblr account that really fired me up. Check out Before and Afters  for some great healthy motivation. This week I've hit the gym every day, I've cut out drinking (I know!!!) and I'm trying to watch what I eat. So maybe a few new goals?? Hit 135 lbs by the end of the year and be able to bench press 70 lbs (twice what I can do now).

3. Run more/run 10k in less than an hour: This week I've been really good about running but I haven't worked up to a 10k yet. So new goal: Run a 10k in under an hour by the end of the year. 

4. Pay off debt: As you may remember I paid off one of my college loans at the beginning of this month. But of course, nothing good can stay for long and I've been hit with new bull shit at every possible moment. I want so badly to save money and every time I come close I keep getting the rug pulled out from under me. Trying to save money, oh PS you need major dental work. Oh, you finally got all your dental work done and you almost paid it off? PS your car battery is dead. Ok, so you spent the last little bit of money you had for a car battery and you're ALMOST to pay day? Fuck you, you have a slow leak in one of your tires. YEP. I had to spend $20 bucks on a tire pump.  Now I get to fill my tire until pay day so I can hopefully get it patched because Lord knows I don't have enough for a new tire. I'm just so tired of it all. I don't mean to get all depressing but I could really use a break. My boyfriend and I have been talking about moving in and I'm just getting the worst cold feet ever. I've lived with someone before and it ended so badly and I'm just so scared. This blog is like a memorial to all of the bad decisions I've made in life and what if this is just another one? But I can't live alone because my lovely apartment complex raised the rent from $605 to $667 and I just can't afford that. I'm hoping that this all is just due to a really intense case of PMS and that I'll start to feel better soon. Oh, and one more PS; even though I just got all of that dental work done my back tooth is killing me and I think I might have a cavity.  It never fucking ends.   This blog I follow Thrifty Decor Chick has made a lot of really inspiring posts about paying off $125,000 and I'm just hoping to be able to do something similar. That is, if life can just stop using me a human punching bag. 

5. Second job: Yikes, sorry about that little dip into despair above. The sadness and frustration is strong within me. Even though my schedule sucks I've been able to pick up shifts at my second job when I really needed them and today I start babysitting for my friend. I really hope that it turns into something regular because she's willing to pay me $10 bucks an hour!! It may not be much but every little bit helps. 

6. Date up:  So, I've mentioned before I really care for my boyfriend. He's wayyyyy better then every other dude I've dated. For the most part he's got his life together. But sometimes I hate him ?? Is this normal??? Now, I'm PMSing so bad right now I could cry, retain all the water in the oceans, and punch an old lady so maybe this is just hormones talking. Or maybe this is how all relationships are? Is it normal to go back and forth between wanting to marry someone and wanting to never see them again? I have a really bad case of fear of commitment. REALLY BAD. Relationships scare the bejesus out of me which is probably why I'm so bad in them and they never really last. I'm very good and treating nice guys poorly and pushing them away. I want so badly to stop and I'm trying to hard but I just wonder if my efforts are futile. Honestly, with my behavior I can't imagine anyone wanting to stay in a committed relationship with me. I can be a real jerk :(

7. Take myself on dates. Lol, no. Not really. I can't afford to get my hair cut let alone take myself on "dates" but I'm still crossing it off because I always try to make "me" time. I like "me" time. I think being alone is really fun honestly. I'd rather be at home with a nice drink and a Netflix queue filled with great movies then out at a club. 

8. Craft more:  I've made attempts at crafting more but I'm really not where I want to be at due to having no money. All I can do is hope for more cash/inspiration in the future to craft on a super tight budget. 


Updated 2012 Resolutions
1. Read at least 2 new books a month
2. Weigh 135 lbs (only a 12 lb weight loss)
3. Bench 70 lbs (2x what I can do now)
4. Refinance my piece of shit Wells Fargo loans to a 10 year plan
5. Stop being such a piece of shit jerk 
6. Craft more

Wells Fargo is Mind Fucking Me

So after weeks of pure hell trying to deal with Wells Fargo it looks like I might finally get my loans consolidated. YAY, right? NOPE. It appears that Wells Fargo is the king of mind fucks. Seriously, I doubt anyone could touch the bull shit this bank has put me and my family through.

If you remember my original loan monthly payment was $821. My new monthly re payment is......* Drum roll*


Yep, $748.68!! A whooping saving of $72.32. After weeks of tears and stress and ulcers that kept me up at night it's all worth it because I saved less than a hundred-fucking-dollars. Don't worry it gets better.

As it turns out I have a special relationship with Wells Fargo. So special that I get a MASSIVE discount of 0.250%. All along I thought Wells Fargo was fucking me out of hate and spite but it's clear they're fucking up my life out of love.

I always thought I was good at math but after looking at this bank statement it's clear that I know nothing about numbers. I borrowed around $80,000 which is somehow $91,000 and then $91,000 equals $224,000. SUPER. I could have gotten a better deal with the mob. The original amount of $821 a month projected I end up paying around $147,000...how did consolidation make it worse????

I fucking hate this whole thing. I should have never gone back to school, the increase I get in pay with another degree will never equal what I will pay out in a life time. I feel like I will never escape this debt. It feels like a punishment, a life sentence of stress. I'd have an easier time trying to empty the ocean with a teaspoon. It's to the point I'm starting to think crazy thoughts, like, maybe I should do porn or nude photos. So glad I got a great education that can only be paid back through whore-dom. Also, throwing myself in front of a city bus or maybe black mailing a politician. Both equally appealing at this point in my life. Charging my boyfriend for sex? SEEMS REASONABLE. Rob a casino a la Oceans Eleven? TOTALLY DOABLE.

I'm emailing friends asking if they know about jobs, I'm picking up shifts at my old work, I'm trolling Craigslist like a fiend. I just want to live in world where re-paying my student loans doesn't mean killing myself with work or having to live the life of a pauper.

Since there's nothing I can do about this bullshit (at least at this point and time) I'm going to use the last hours of my day off to drown myself in a bottle of skunk wine and television. Also, eventually brownies. And yes, I did say skunk wine. I have to drink old skunk-y wine because I can't afford a $5 bottle of Yellow Tail.

p.s. please buy stuff from my Ebay. Please.

C.R.E.A.M.

So, I don't know if anyone remember my post from a few days ago. You know, the one where all my hopes and dreams came crashing down because Wells Fargo was high on drugs and actually thought that I could pay $800 a month on my student loans? Well, that problem is still hanging out all not fixed. What has happened so far is that I called and told them straight up that I just can't pay that. They agreed to work with me and said that the best strategy would be to consolidate the two loans that I have through them, extend the repayment time, and to get a loan co-signer. I really didn't want to ask my Mom to co-sign, she does so much for me and me getting another degree was about finally getting a good job and supporting myself and being an adult. Unfortunately I had to ask. She agreed and didn't mind because she is the best most supportive mother ever. She gave them all of her info and initially they turned her down, not because she has bad credit but because she has SO much in her name (house, multiple cars, my loans, etc). She told me that she got a little spicy with them on the phone. I've always been curious as to where I got my attitude from; my Mom is angelic and I can sometime (lots of times) be a mega bitch from the pits of Hell. After my Mom told me some of the things she said to the bank representatives over the phone I realized I inherited my Mom's spunky spirit. Which is awesome because if I inherited that maybe I've inherited more of her awesome traits.

Anyways......I'm still not sure where the loans stands. No matter what they're not getting $800 a month. Not because I'm mad and don't want to pay but because that's half of my pay. Literally. If I paid that much an entire paycheck would be going to them and I simply can't live that way. I've already budgeted out $300 a month and hopefully that can do for now until I can get promoted or earn some extra cash.

I've been thinking about ways to make extra dough and one is selling stuff on Ebay. So far it's going pretty well. I've sold 2 shirts and a CD set and I've made $75 bucks. Because I'm a new seller I don't have access to the full payment just yet but hopefully I can establish myself and sell more and have quicker access. I just placed an order for beautiful jewelry to re-sell and I'm hoping to start making extra cash soon. I only ordered 36 pieces because I want to see how this first batch goes but my ultimate goal is to make a couple hundred bucks a month. If I can sell each piece for $5 bucks then I've made $180.

Look at how gorgeous this stuff is!







I should get the stuff next week and I'll put it on Ebay right away. My plan is to hopefully have a good run during October, establish myself as a Gold seller or legitimate seller or whatever, and hopefully sell a ton of stuff for Christmas. I'm not looking to get rich I'm looking to make big payments on my evil student loans before they kill me and my credit.

Crushed

Remember the other day when I posted about how happy I was? It was like life was finally working itself out and I had figured out a way to make it. Yesterday I received a letter in the mail from the bank that holds my student loan. I have to start repaying it next month. My payments are set at $821 a month.

This is how I feel now:

I have no idea how I'm going to make it through this. How am I going to survive?