More Attempts at Pinterest

OKAY. So I'm back from bum-outs-ville and I'm feeling so much better. Honestly, that brief period of sadness did me a world of good. I realized that almost every protagonist in feel good movies goes through some sort of down swing before they realize their true potential. I'm not saying that I have everything figured out (I doubt I ever will) but I'm definitely realizing what is important to me and what I want out of life.

This post is dedicated to my first attempts at self lead crafting. My grandmother is a crafting God and when I was a child she taught/ helped me with all sorts of projects. However, I'm 26 and it's been a few years since I broke out a glue gun. But you gotta start somewhere, right?

First thing first, my attempt at a sea shell souvenir frame!

My boyfriend and I went to the coast a month or so ago and I wanted a cheesy souvenir to remember the trip by. Unfortunately, cheesy souvenirs can cost a pretty penny. While strolling the beach I collected some shells and when I got home I figured I could hot glue them to a frame that displayed one of my beach pictures. 

I ended up picking up a couple of super cheap frames from Ikea that had a beach-y feel to them. They were around $3 bucks a pop.

I'm sure I could have done this project better or more professionally. My plan of attack was just to glue beads and shells on the frames until I ran out of space or beads. If you look really closely you can see a few strands of hair like glue from my hot glue gun. I didn't create a beautiful piece of art but I did make a cute little frame that will always remind me of a fun trip. Also, it does look better from a distance and surrounded by other frames.

I posted a few weeks ago about some homemade sugar scrub. It was seriously so easy! I made two mason jars full of scrub for $0! I had all of the ingredients for the scrub (brown sugar, white sugar, oil) and I had some mason jars and ribbon laying around my house. And the labels I used? They came with my crock pot. So easy.

A few weeks ago on Pinterest I saw a recipe for Cheesy Quinoa cakes. I could have sworn I pinned them on my DIY I Want to Try but alas I'm not seeing them. Either way, they were incredibly easy to make and so delicious. The recipe can be found on Spoon, Fork, Bacon:

Their picture is so much better than mine (did you notice how my dvd remote is photo bombing my cakes?)

Trust me, if I call a recipe easy, it's easy. Plus it's super cheap, all I had to go out and buy was lemons for the aioli and green onions (both were less than $1). I made them for Girls night and for my boyfriend and they were a hit. Plus, its the kind of recipe you can easily modify with success. 

Despair?

I'm not sure what is going on with me but I've been really bummed out lately. More than bummed out. I'm not sure I would call it depression because I've never really experienced anything like this. I've been trying all week to put it into words and I've been struggling to pin point what has gotten me to this place. I guess it's a few things so I'm hoping by putting it down in writing I can get a firm grasp of this situation and change it.

First of all things with my boyfriend are kind of blah. I'm not sure when it happened and I can't really figure out if one of us is to "blame" but something has changed (or maybe nothing has changed and this depression is making me think that something has changed). When we first got together he was such a positive force in my life and I was so proud and happy. Now it feels that he's gotten super comfortable and doesn't even try anymore. We've been dating less than 4 months. Granted, I've only been in two long term relationships before but this seems a bit early to get comfortable. Again, I can't describe the feeling but I feel distance between us. I don't feel happy anymore.

THEN, there's my overwhelming debt. I feel trapped and burden by this enormous thing that I can't control or fix. I feel so sad that this is my life. There's been a lot of recent studies about how negatively social networking is affecting how people feel and I completely understand. When I log on to Facebook and I see people I knew in high school and they're married, having babies, and living in houses I feel so ashamed and sad that I'm not at that point (I honestly don't care about marriage and babies but I want a house more than anything). This wasn't supposed to be my life. I had potential. Now, I'm 26 and living alone in single bedroom apartment and I can't afford to get my hair cut. Most of my friends had family that paid for their college so no one really understands what I'm going through. I have no extra money, I'm worried all of the time and I feel so beyond pathetic. And honestly I don't see that changing.

I read some article today about a man who managed to pay off his $90,000 college debt in 7 months. I was so excited thinking that there was something I could do to get rid of this debt only to find out the guy paid off his debt with his six figure salary and sneaking flasks into bars. AWESOME. I can sneak flasks into bars till the fucking cows come home and it won't change the fact that this guy did what he did because he makes 3 times my gross annual salary.

I really hit bottom yesterday when I received a notice from my insurance saying they're not going to cover most of my dental work and the portion that I need to cover is $1200. I bawled my eyes out. It's such a stupid thing to cry over but I think it was just my breaking point. After a good 12 hour cry and How I Met Your Mother marathon I started to feel better (plus, talking with a co-worker who gave great insurance appeal advice). After taking some time to really examine my life and my heart I've come to a few conclusions:

I cannot count on my boyfriend (or anyone, for that matter) to help me
I don't mean this in a depressing, "everyone dies alone" super dramatic way. I just have to release and recognize that the only person who can change my life is me. I can't waste my time hoping for some magical solution to bring itself to me and fix all of my problems. If I'm not happy being this broke or living this way I'm the one responsible for fixing it.

My worth isn't what I own or where I live
Facebook and Pinterest are dangerous, evil places. That article I mentioned above talked about when it comes to social networking people create their own "brand" (like companies marketing a product). No one goes on to Facebook to advertise what a fuck up they are or how they gained weight or lost a job or whatever. People go on to Facebook to post vacation photos and celebrity encounters. People only share the good times, not the bad and that's not reality. I have to spend less time on social media for my own mental health and happiness and I have to remind myself that most people are only "advertising" the good times, not the bad and for the most part everyone struggles with some aspect of life.

I need to maintain perspective
I've mentioned before that when sad times hit I usually give myself a day to deal with how sad/depressed I feel. I throw a mean pity party. There's drinking, excessive crying, blaming God, and lots of couch time. It's great but it's not a party I want to go to often. So, while I think it's healthy to work through emotions I don't want to dwell on them. This is where perspective comes in. If, after my one day pity party extravaganza, I keep dwelling I must remind myself how lucky I truly am. In the past week one of the stories catching the attention of the nation is about a beautiful, young woman who cut herself while zip-lining and got infected with a flesh eating bacteria. While doctors think she may live they have had to amputate one entire leg, her remaining foot, and at least one of her hands (not to mention soft tissue on her abdomen). Whenever my mind tries to drift back to that "woe is me" place I imagine sitting down with this 24 year old woman and trying to explain to her how hard my life is. The ridiculousness of it snaps me right back to normal thought. Yes, I have debt. Yes, I have HUGE debt but I didn't get most of my body cut off. Heck, worse stuff happens to people everyday than debt.

I can't wait on fate
I keep waiting for someone or something to change my life. While I do believe we all have a destiny I think sometimes I use "fate" as a crutch so I don't have to make decisions. My anxiety stems from the overwhelming fear that I'm making the wrong decision. I've messed up in the past and now I feel terrified that I'll once again fuck something up. But I can't live that way. I have to take control of my own life even if it's scary.

I'm honestly not sure what I'm going to do. I have a few ideas but they're big and scary life changing ones. I just know that I'm not happy right now and I want to change that . I want to be free of this debt, I want to one day own a house, I want to be happy.

Gifts on the Cheap // Attempting Pinterest Crafts

The month of May has been hard on me financially. I had to get about $360 worth of dental work done (trust me, it was a HAD to not a WANT to). I also had to get some basic car repair and then it's my sisters birthday, college graduation and Mothers day. Awesome. When it rains it pours. But just because I'm broke doesn't mean I still can't give awesome gifts. I managed to get my mother and sister pretty cute stuff and spent less then $15 total. Awwww, yaaa. So how did I manage that? A bit of craftiness, a bit of cheapness, and the knowledge that my family isn't that big on expensive stuff (thank God).

First, the wrapping. If you haven't stopped by Targets dollar spot GO NOW. Just stop reading this, it isn't even important. I got both of these cute bags for just $1. I KNOW, RIGHT? I also got a 4 pack of greeting cards for a buck. The dollar spot is the best place in the world.

Cost of 2 bags: $1
Cost of 4 cards: $1
Total: $2

My Mom likes to knit so I found a half done scarf that I had been trying to work on for a year now and unraveled it and tied it with a bow. This whole being broke thing has made me appreciate how much I have and how I don't really need all of this stuff. I for see a lot of giving away in my future.

Cost of Yarn: Free
Cost of ribbon: Free
Total: $0

Homemade sugar scrub. Pinterest has given me a ton of great DIY projects I want to try. Luckily I had all of the ingredients for this basic sugar scrub. You just mix up brown sugar, white sugar, oil (don't use sesame oil like I did. Trust me), and some vanilla and BAM. Amazing scrub and since I already had everything it didn't cost me a dime.

Sugar scrub ingredients: $0

The item I spent the most on? Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me and Other Concerns by Mindy Kaling. I found it for $12 bucks at Half Price Books. A friend got it for me a few months ago and I love it and I'm really hoping that my sister will dig it.

I've gotta go since I'm already late for work but I'll be back soon with more fun stuff!!