2013 Resolutions

I love resolutions. I get so excited for a fresh start and motivation for new and exciting changes. I have so many goals for next year and I can't wait to get started on them.

Health Goals

1. Run Capital 10K in one hour or less: I've only ran the Cap10k once but I really, really, REALLY want to do it in under 1 hour. It's entirely possible for me to run a 10 minute but I tend to go slow and steady when I run long distances. 

2. Complete a fun run 5k or 10 (foam run, mud run, gorilla run, jail break,zombie run, etc): There are so many fun runs and I've always wanted to do one but I've just never made it a priority. I've wanted to do the warrior run for years and each time it passes I'm always so bummed out. This year I want to complete more fun runs and races for good causes. 

3. Weight train more: I've always been great at cardio but struggled with lifting. I don't want to bulk up but lifting weights is so important in sculpting a healthy body. I want to incorporate new moves and exercises into my normal daily routine.

January Health Goals

1. No desserts: I am so scared of this goal. I have the biggest sweet tooth ever and things get a bit crazy during the holidays. I seriously need to detox from sweets. The more sugar you eat the more you crave it. I need a clean start. I definitely don't want sweets out of my life forever but I want to really push myself this first month to not really so heavily on sugar.

2. 50 squats a day: I just want a really amazing butt. Ain't no thang.

Life Goals

1. Save at least $1000 a month for student loans and make a $10,000 chunk payment: I already $2500 saved and I'm hoping that in 6 months I can make a payment and then start saving again for another payment. If I can work hard and make huge payments the next couple of years than by the time I'm 30 I can start saving for a house and maybe think about kids. 

Errand Goals: 

Okay, the next goals are mearly errand but they suck and makine them a resolution makes it more exciting to do. It's important to throw yourself some low balls so you can stay motivated for all the really hard goals.

1. Get a new drivers license with an update address

2. Go to the gyno and try to find a birth control I like

3. Go to the eye doctor/look into lasik

4. Sign up for the Capital 10k: I've technically already done this but it's still on the list because I LOVE crossing items off my to-do list/resolutions.

Craft Goals

1. Redecorate my bedroom: Already on my way to this. We picked up new bedding and curtains and I just need a few pieces of furniture to really complete our room.

2. Write a short story or book: I love writing and I really want to do it more. My writing used to be so good (I've been published and won awards) but lately it's a struggle for me to express myself clearly. I'm so excited to try new stories and see where my imagination can take me. 

3. Reupholster my ugly painted chair: Oh God it's so ugly and it's been this way for so long and my boyfriend just gives me that sad look whenever I say I'm going to fix it. I MUST do this.

4. Learn more hairstyles than the same bull shit I constantly wear: I suck at hair and makeup. I'm just not that  good at it and I want to be better and learn stylish and grownup hairstyles. 

5. Cook new recipes: I want to try new and more advance cooking techniques. I want to push myself to try new things and grow in the kitchen (but not in the waist line, haha).

Best and Worst of 2012

Another year has gone by and I want to try my hand at another "Best of" list. This list is "me" specific but I like documenting the highs of this past year. So without further ado here the best things of 2012.

Best Author: Gillian Flynn

A few months ago I briefly tried my hand at being in a book club. The book club didn't work out due to no one wanting to pick the second book out but that is neither here nor there. What did work out was our first choice, Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn. A few of my girlfriends had read it early in the year and raved about it but I just never had any motivation to go out and pick it up. I'm so glad that I finally did. Flynn is seriously one of my favorite new authors. Almost immediately after finishing Gone Girl I picked up her two other books, Sharp Objects and Dark Places. She knows how to beautifully write about woman struggling with darkness and about the nature of evil. I would recommend her to anyone who loves dark and twisting novels.

Best Guy: My Boo

Okay, this is not meant to be cheesy or lame (and yet, I know it's going to be) but dang am I happy with my guy. I have ALWAYS dated the bad boy or the wild guy. You know, they don't own a car (or it's a giant pile of junk) and maybe their cell phones turned off because they can't afford the bill and they really hate their retail job but they never apply for another job and they're emotionally distant and irresponsible. I have dated dudes with tattoos on their heads and no other ambitions but to work at the coffee house/music shop/record store. But then I tried my hand at dating a guy with his life together and man oh man I don't know why I didn't do this sooner. Seriously, my boyfriend is amazing. He's one of the best cooks I have ever known, he tucks me in every night when I have to go to bed early because of my job. He's a fearless killer of bugs and he's so warm and open and lovely. I have honestly never been happier. Guys like him make me realize why people still get married, before I could never understand how people could do it, it seemed terrifying. But now it just makes sense, when you find someone so perfect you never let them go.

Best New Development: Self Acceptance

I'm not trying to get new age-y here but getting older has rocked. When I was younger I sort of feared the aging process, it seemed less fun and glamorous. I was out of my mind, every year that passes I am happier and more myself. I feel more at ease with who I am and what my life is than ever before. I like my looks and my body and all these hang ups that I used to have are no longer an issue in my life.Take for instance my weight. I have never been terribly over weight but growing up I really struggled with self image and my size. I was always a few inches taller and a few pounds heavier then every girl I knew. I was so self conscious over my looks. At one point in my life I was really heavy which I then counteracted by becoming entirely too thin. But over the last couple of years I've sort of figured it all out. I love food, I probably have an unhealthy relationship with it. I love food for it's taste rather than for the fact that it's simply fuel for my body. Through a pretty healthy balance of working out, eating good most of the times and allowing myself treats I have found a way to manage my weight without losing my mind. I'm 5'9" and range between 130 lbs and 140 lbs. I run, I do yoga and I also eat cake and drink wine. I'm happy.

Best Career Move: My New Job

I am so in love with my new job. So freaking in love. I get to do work that really excites me and pushes me mentally and physically. I am trying new things that used to scare me and I'm making more money than I ever could at my old job. I am so thankful to God and the universe for getting me to this place. Again, not trying to get new age-y but I feel so beyond blessed for this opportunity and this career path. There were so many qualified candidates for this position and I'm so humbled that I was thought one of the best to do the job.

  

Best Movies and TV: Dark Knight Rises, The Avengers, and Homeland

I love action movies and I love comic books. The last couple of years there have been so many amazing comic movies put out but this year saw two of my favorites. After watching all of the super heroes tales finally seeing them all come together in The Avengers was so rewarding. I loved that movie (which shouldn't be that surprising because I'm a giant Joss Whedon nerd). I loved the final film in the Dark Knight series, it had such heart was beautifully acted. And dang, has Homeland been such an amazing series to get into. So many twists and turns and you never know who to trust or who's working for the other side. 

Worst of 2012

I've never done a "Worst of " but there were a few things that occurred this year that deserve to be called out for how horrible/tragic/annoying that they are.

Worst Repeat Crime: Mass Shootings

I believe in the right for citizens to own guns. I don't think more laws against guns is the solution because criminals will never follow laws and there should not be an added burden to law abiding citizens. But there has to be something done about these mass shootings that are occurring throughout the US. The last shoot at Sandy Hook broke my heart. We as a country need to come together to figure out a way to stop violence without giving up too many of our rights. Let's stop funneling money to wasteful and useless in devours and start helping those suffering with mental illness. 

Worst Government Issue: Fiscal Cliff

It is so beyond frustrating that Republicans and Democrats are so focused on one upping each other that our country is on the brink of this Fiscal Cliff bullshit. Poor people should not be paying more in taxes than billionaires. That's ridiculous. However, I do agree that companies that provide jobs and economic boosts should benefit from some tax cuts. There has to be a way to find a happy median. Let's work together to fix this country and benefit all instead of the few.

Worst Big Bad Company: Wells Fargo

I feel slightly ill including my student loan issues in the same category as the horrible tragedy that killed children but banks like Wells Fargo (and any other that bank that holds student loans) should be ashamed of their behavior. This country has something like a trillion dollars in student loan debt. I am hard working and totally willing to pay off my debts but when I pay nearly $800 a month in loans (with only $100 going towards principal) I will never get out from under this debt. I believe that there has to be something we can do so banks can get their money back and students like me can pay off their debts without living in the poor house.

So I guess that's my lists. It's been a wonderful year and I'm so thankful for my life and my loved ones. I hope 2013 is even better than this lovely year.

Checking in on 2012 Resolutions

Considering it's a few days until I start to compile my new list of resolutions I thought it was be nice to see how I did on this years resolutions. Let's take a look at the list:

2012 Resolutions:
Resolutions
1. Join a library/read more: This was perhaps the easiest "resolution" to accomplish. Honestly it was more like a To-Do list item than a life change resolution but it was was easier to hold myself accountable for that then some vague "live life to the fullest" bullshit. I have definitely discovered some amazing (and not so amazing) books and authors out there. I think I might to a best of 2012 list or something just so I can have a whole post dedicated to nerding out on amazing literature.

2. Lose weight: Sort of? I've definitely hit a plateau weight wise (stuck at 141-143) but my body looks much better. I started mixing in more weight training to my usually cardio and my legs look amazing! Being a pear shaped person I never thought I could have a thigh gap and now at certain stances I do and it's wonderful. I have a lot of fitness goals for next year that I'm really excited about incorporating into my life.

3. Run more/run 10k in less than an hour: Yes and no. In the last month the weather has been absolutely divine and running has been a breeze (winters in Texas=mid 70s to 80s and sunny). I've worked myself up to around 4 or 5 miles which is just shy of a 10k but I have big plans to sign up for the Capital 10k next year and I'm very excited!

4. Pay off debt: So getting there. I got a new job that pays SO much more than my old job (as in, $10,000 more a year more) and I have a totally doable plan to save at least $1000 a month and make large chunk payments each year. No matter what my $89,000 debt is going to take YEARS to pay off but if I can scrimp and save now and pay off some of that God awful interest then each of my monthly payments will go towards more than they currently do. Sometime soon I'll make an update post about my finances.

5. Second job: Yes and no! I spent a good portion of the beginning of the year desperately trying to get a second job but no one wanted to work around my insane work schedule (understandably). But life has a way of helping you out sometime and I was able to start babysitting a friends kid as well as picking up shifts at my old job. Even though sometimes I'm absolutely exhausted (working 6am to 10m is a killer) I am so thankful that I have people in my life who think of me when it comes to doling out work hours and extra cash. 

6. Date up: Destroyed this one. Absolutely crushed it. Last year at Christmas time I had just recently broken up with a dude (who was mostly nice but made extremely questionable life choices) and this year I'm in a beautiful house with a man that I love more than anything. Funny the places where life can take you, huh? My honey and I had been friends for a few months and went on a date in January and I haven't looked back since. We moved in together a few months ago and while there have been some growing pains (I'm a clean freak, he is not) it's lovely to share a home with someone again. He is so patient and loving and understand and I am so thankful for his presence in my life.

7. Take myself on dates: I don't know why I made this a resolution. One of the strangest things about me is that I love being alone. When friends of mine talk about how terrible it is to spend the holidays single or how strong I was for being single for so long I just never get it. Being single and/or alone can be pretty rocking. I would work whenever I wanted to and for as many hours as I wanted to then I would come home and eat exactly what I wanted and watch any TV or movie that I wanted and drink whiskey and any mess that was in my house would be mine and I would know exactly why it was there and when it would be cleaned up. It was lovely. Now, I think I can talk about loving being alone because it was my choice/preferance. I have an amazing family I can see anytime I want, I have wonderful friends to hang out with, and honestly getting a date was never really that hard (finding a great man to date, now that's a challenge!).

8. Craft more: Ugh, nope. I want to be craft so badly but every craft just seems like an unreasonable waste of money. I think I'm spreading myself a little too thin, I follow all of these DIY blogs and I'm trying to do too much too soon. I'll pick a few craft projects for next year and see how those go before I start to invest a lot of money.

I am a terrible blogger and other repeat news

I know, I know. Every single post on this thing talks about how sorry I am about how terrible I am at blogging. I guess I thought  I would get better at it. Obvs not.

Life has been pretty fantastic, I'm still broke but things are getting better. Wells Fargo is still a monster asshole who refuses to work with me but what's new?? My new job is amazing and I'm making lots more money which is great. I have a clear goal to save a ton of money and make a giant payment of $10,000 on my loan next year.

In other news I'm happy Obama was re-elected. I try not to get very political on public forums because I respect other people's beliefs but I wasn't a really big fan of Romney's. While the economy definitely needs help I tend to put more weight on social issues. My personal belief is that the needs and rights of humans out weigh anyone's desire for more money.

The holiday season is upon us once again. My parents and I all have birthday's this month and I'm excited to try some new DIY projects for gifts since money is tight. I'm hoping to get a sewing machine soon so I can craft some gifts.

Non gym work outs (aka burning calories puttering around my house)

Today I'm skipping the gym in order to get some things done around my house. I don't think many people realize how many calories can be burned by being active and present in your own home.

Projects today:
1. Pinterest DIY headlight cleaning with toothpaste

                                                       Source: Frugal Fun Ideas

My headlights are filthy and it's really effecting how well I can see at night. I'm hoping this works because I don't really have the cash to purchase a specific cleaner (I'm using the last of my disposable income on a haircut because the last time I got a trim was in January).

2. Weeding my garden
Do you even know what a workout weeding is??? I had no clue until I started. My whole body ached after the first day and I could barely clinch my hands. It burns something crazy like 400 calories an hour. And it's totally free!! AND it makes your yard looked cared for and nice.
I plan on posting some before and afters of my Rosemary bush. It took a few days but I trimmed her up, weeding her out, and even destroyed a rotting stump right in her middle :)

I don't have much time so that's probably all I can do today before work but I have a 3 day weekend coming up and I'm really hoping to get my closet sorted out and a pantry made.

LOVE house work :)

Back!

The move is finally done! I can't tell you how awesome it is to be OVER with it :) The new house is amazing and I'm having so much fun with all of this new space. I'm a little broke right now (haha, I'm always broke) so most projects are on hold until pay day.

There are a few exciting things in the work. I'm up for two new jobs!! Both are amazing opportunities and I would be making almost $10,000 more a year (yikes!!). I should find out with in the next month or so but I've already been on one second interview and my background is currently being investigated for the other :)

Since I now have a giant front and back yard I've trying to get into gardening. I'm usually the bringer of death for all plants so I'm hoping my green thumb will grow. Typing this all up reminds me that I need to start taking some "before" pictures (in hopes that I have nice "after" pics, hahah).

Blueberry Banana Oat Bran Muffins

Picture Source

My goal to try to get healthy is going really well. I've been eating really clean, exercising with more frequency and intensity, and allowing myself to indulge as long as it's in my calorie limit. I've already lost 6 pounds and I feel great. I use the MyNetDiary app on my iPhone to help track my calorie intake and exercise.

Fruit has been really cheap lately which has been amazing. I bought watermelon, mangos, bananas, and blueberries all within my grocery budget. I wanted to make a quick and healthy breakfast muffin for mornings when I want to eat and stay full but I don't have a lot of time. 

I found this Recipe and I really like it and the fact that the calories had already been figured out for me :)

Gibbs Banana Oat Bran Muffin

Oat Bran, 2.25 cup 
Baking Powder, 3 tsp 
Maple Syrup or sugar, .25 cup 
Milk, nonfat, 1.25 cup (* I used almond milk which has no fat and less calories)
*Egg white, 2 serving (*I just used 1 whole egg)
Banana, fresh, .75 cup, mashed 
Almonds, .5 cup, chopped (No Almonds)
(optional: handful of rasins or blueberries and .25 cup of shreded coconut)

*I made a few modifications with my recipe which I listed on the side

I found this nifty website that has a recipe calculator and my muffins came out to be about 70 calories a pop. They are super filling and great for digestion. Plus, they are super cheap, bananas are less than $0.50 a pound and oatmeal and oat bran are super cheap in bulk and can be used in tons of different ways.

  

Social Media

I started a Tumblr today. There's this whole community called "Fitblr" that post the most amazing, inspiring stuff about fitness and healthy eating. I'm hoping that looking at it daily will keep me dedicated to a healthy lifestyle.

So here's my Tumblr:
http://brokeasswino.tumblr.com/

And just in case you forgot here's the link to my Pinterest:
http://pinterest.com/pourgirl/

Follow, comment, love!

Changes!!!

So I'm really gung-ho about making some positive changes in my life right now. First step: I've changed my "About Me" from "Broke ass wino trying to get out of debt" to "Broke ass wino trying to improve my life in every way without the use of money". After my life semi-depressing entry I started to really think about what I wanted and how I could get it. My whole life I've been poor and it's never really bothered me because I'm (usually) a happy, healthy, and thankful person. But there's this idea in modern American culture that the ONLY way to improve ANY part of your life is by spending money. Want to get fit? Better dole out lots of cash on expensive gyms and organic foods. Want to be happy? You need all of the latest gadgets and gizmos and a big fancy house. IT'S CRAZY.

Just because I'm broke (and I mean seriously broke, I have less than a $1 in my bank until payday this Friday) doesn't mean that I can't live the best possible life. I can get fit, I can have happy relationships, I can have a beautiful home. Yes, it would probably be much, much easier if I had money but it's not impossible!

So! What's my plan?
1. Get Fit: I mentioned in my last post that I wanted to lose weight/get fit. How can I do this without money?? The two main parts of fitness are diet and exercise. I joined a gym years ago and the $30 bucks it costs me a month completely works in my budget. BUT it's also possible to workout with out a gym. The internet is amazing. Go to Youtube and find exercise clips, go to a free park and do lunges and situps. Run around the local high school football field. Honestly, the only reason I even joined a gym is because running outside in the Texas heat can cause some serious damage to a girl as pale as I am.

There's this idea that eating healthy has to cost a pretty penny. You know what makes grocery shopping cost  a lot?? Poor meal planning. Right now it's summer and fruits are incredible cheap. Last time I went grocery shopping I got a whole seedless watermelon, nectarines, beans, quinoa, and a few other items for less then $20 bucks. Shop the bulk food and whole food sections. A bag of beans costs $1 and makes 4 times as much as 1 can of pre made black beans. It also has less sodium. Right now I'm chowing down on 1 cup cooked quinoa and 1 cup cooked black beans all for about 442 calories.

Now, the hard part about dieting and getting fit is you have to find what works for YOU. I've mentioned before I really love The Token Fat Girl and she posted today about how, for her, counting calories is a waste and leads to counter productive eating. For me, I need to count calories because I can become SO consumed by my competitive nature and try to eat less and less that I end up GAINING weight because my body isn't getting what it needs. It seems odd that in order to lose weight you have to eat more sometimes but it's true. If you're body is working out too much and not getting the right nutrition your metabolism is going to shut down. I have a handy (and FREE!) app on my iPhone that helps me keep tabs. It's insane that I can snack all day and then when I check my calories I'm still a few hundred away from my goal.

2. Get out of Debt: This one is hardy and will take the longest. Right now I'm in a rough spot. Life has been doling out the usual stuff (dead car battery, dentist, bad tire, etc) and, like I said above, I have $1 left in my account. I'm just really thankful that my apartment is taking their sweet time to cash my rent check so hopefully I can make it until Friday. But by the end of this year I'm hoping that I'll be in a much better spot: paying less in rent and paying more towards my loan. This loan isn't going to go away over night and with the interest rates the first few years are going to be the hardest but I know that I can pay it off.

3. Be Happy: This one is pretty ridiculous but I don't see any reason why I can's live an awesome and fun life  just because I'm broke. My situation is a little different because my boyfriend has money so I still get to do fun things because he can pay but even if he wasn't around I think it's entirely possible to be poor and happy. I'm lucky that I live in Austin that has so many fun and free things. Free movies in the park, gorgeous rivers and green belts open to the public, opportunities to volunteer to help others, the list goes on and on. Yes, I'd probably be REALLY happy if I had millions of dollars and could pay off all of my debts and travel the world but I don't NEED money to be happy.

ALSO:
I just finished two really amazing books that I want to recommend. I mentioned that I joined a library a few months ago and they've started to offer eBooks to rent. Afterwards by Rosamund Lupton and Never Look Away by Linwood Barclay. Plus this helps me reach my goal of two books a month! I figure, those two books can take care of June and sometime tonight I'll see about downloading two new books for July. 

Mid Year Resolutions

I like lists. Especially to-do lists. Like, a lot. There's just something so satisfying with creating a list of things I need/want to do and then crossing them off. It's very satisfying. A few months ago I made New Years Resolutions (like a million [billion??] other people). A few months later I held myself accountable for them. Now that we're officially half way through the year I want to check in again to measure my progress and also add a few more to the list.

So, here are the resolutions that I had:

Resolutions
1. Join a library/read more   I joined a library in January or February and I've been pretty good about regularly going and checking out books. But honestly, you can never read too much.  So maybe I can modify this resolution with a new one: Read at least 2 new books a month. 

2. Lose weight: FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK. So, you know what, I still suck at this one. I have hit a plateau of all plateaus :( BUT! I've recently fired myself up about changing that :) I stumbled upon a Tumblr account that really fired me up. Check out Before and Afters  for some great healthy motivation. This week I've hit the gym every day, I've cut out drinking (I know!!!) and I'm trying to watch what I eat. So maybe a few new goals?? Hit 135 lbs by the end of the year and be able to bench press 70 lbs (twice what I can do now).

3. Run more/run 10k in less than an hour: This week I've been really good about running but I haven't worked up to a 10k yet. So new goal: Run a 10k in under an hour by the end of the year. 

4. Pay off debt: As you may remember I paid off one of my college loans at the beginning of this month. But of course, nothing good can stay for long and I've been hit with new bull shit at every possible moment. I want so badly to save money and every time I come close I keep getting the rug pulled out from under me. Trying to save money, oh PS you need major dental work. Oh, you finally got all your dental work done and you almost paid it off? PS your car battery is dead. Ok, so you spent the last little bit of money you had for a car battery and you're ALMOST to pay day? Fuck you, you have a slow leak in one of your tires. YEP. I had to spend $20 bucks on a tire pump.  Now I get to fill my tire until pay day so I can hopefully get it patched because Lord knows I don't have enough for a new tire. I'm just so tired of it all. I don't mean to get all depressing but I could really use a break. My boyfriend and I have been talking about moving in and I'm just getting the worst cold feet ever. I've lived with someone before and it ended so badly and I'm just so scared. This blog is like a memorial to all of the bad decisions I've made in life and what if this is just another one? But I can't live alone because my lovely apartment complex raised the rent from $605 to $667 and I just can't afford that. I'm hoping that this all is just due to a really intense case of PMS and that I'll start to feel better soon. Oh, and one more PS; even though I just got all of that dental work done my back tooth is killing me and I think I might have a cavity.  It never fucking ends.   This blog I follow Thrifty Decor Chick has made a lot of really inspiring posts about paying off $125,000 and I'm just hoping to be able to do something similar. That is, if life can just stop using me a human punching bag. 

5. Second job: Yikes, sorry about that little dip into despair above. The sadness and frustration is strong within me. Even though my schedule sucks I've been able to pick up shifts at my second job when I really needed them and today I start babysitting for my friend. I really hope that it turns into something regular because she's willing to pay me $10 bucks an hour!! It may not be much but every little bit helps. 

6. Date up:  So, I've mentioned before I really care for my boyfriend. He's wayyyyy better then every other dude I've dated. For the most part he's got his life together. But sometimes I hate him ?? Is this normal??? Now, I'm PMSing so bad right now I could cry, retain all the water in the oceans, and punch an old lady so maybe this is just hormones talking. Or maybe this is how all relationships are? Is it normal to go back and forth between wanting to marry someone and wanting to never see them again? I have a really bad case of fear of commitment. REALLY BAD. Relationships scare the bejesus out of me which is probably why I'm so bad in them and they never really last. I'm very good and treating nice guys poorly and pushing them away. I want so badly to stop and I'm trying to hard but I just wonder if my efforts are futile. Honestly, with my behavior I can't imagine anyone wanting to stay in a committed relationship with me. I can be a real jerk :(

7. Take myself on dates. Lol, no. Not really. I can't afford to get my hair cut let alone take myself on "dates" but I'm still crossing it off because I always try to make "me" time. I like "me" time. I think being alone is really fun honestly. I'd rather be at home with a nice drink and a Netflix queue filled with great movies then out at a club. 

8. Craft more:  I've made attempts at crafting more but I'm really not where I want to be at due to having no money. All I can do is hope for more cash/inspiration in the future to craft on a super tight budget. 


Updated 2012 Resolutions
1. Read at least 2 new books a month
2. Weigh 135 lbs (only a 12 lb weight loss)
3. Bench 70 lbs (2x what I can do now)
4. Refinance my piece of shit Wells Fargo loans to a 10 year plan
5. Stop being such a piece of shit jerk 
6. Craft more

Staying Afloat

I have just really sucked at blogging lately. Sorry about that. I guess it's because I just haven't really had much to post. I wanted this blog to be about saving money and DIY-ing shit and I've been TERRIBLE at both of those things. I'm so broke I can't even DIY :(

Things got a little better in the last week or so. I went for my final dentist appointment and got my teeth all squeaky clean. Most of that went on my credit card but there was really nothing I could do about that. I had to make sure I had enough for my loan payment so everything else had to be charged.  My credit card got up to around $600 bucks but I managed to pay it down to $250. So things are going great, I make it to pay day, put money in my savings and blah blah blah everything appears fine. So, of course it's not. Out of the blue after work one day I go out to my car to drive home and it's dead. Ain't that something? There is really no better way to describe my life then thinking that everything is going to be okay and finding my car dead.
And I don't mean that in a bad way (if that makes any sense). At this point it's just sort of darkly funny. I just remember sitting in my car and desperately turning my key over and over and finally just sitting back and looking up and thinking, "okay, what now".

The little bit of cushion money that I had saved to help me make it to my next pay day went directly to my new car battery (which they only had 1 in stock and it was the most expensive one...of course). Now I sit in waiting for this Friday when I get paid from my second job. Until then I'm hanging on with $21 bucks in my account. But life is still good. I went grocery shopping before my battery crapped out so I have food and my amazing boyfriend bought me gas (and some clothes!!! Seriously, this guy is beyond perfect/wonderful/amazing).

But even in all of this mess I'm still so happy. While it may not be permanent I've been getting more regular shifts at my job and my boyfriend and I have decided to move in with each other in a few months. I'm also going to start babysitting for a friend weekly which not only means extra cash but time spent with my friend and her awesome son. Nothing's okay and everything's okay (if that makes any sense). I'm broker than I have ever been in my life and yet I'm happier. Being forced to distance my self from my consumerist ways has made me so much happier than I thought was possible. Before all of this loan non-sense I just bought, bought, bought without any sense of what I truly needed. Now I'm happy when I can afford more than the basics. I'm broke but I'm lucky which is more than I deserve :)

I swear I have plans to get this blog back to what I wanted it to be. When my credit card is paid off and my boyfriend and I shack up together I will buy a sewing machine and start more DIY. Until then I have my fingers crossed that all of my bills get paid :)

cl

Positive Changes

Things are going much, much, much better :) My boyfriend and I had an amazing talk and we're on a good path again, I've come to terms with my current crazy schedule, and I'm making more of an effort to see friends.

I haven't really shared much about my work for a few reasons. This is the internet and frankly, while I put a lot of stuff on this blog, I really don't want anyone knowing who I am. I like my privacy. But I can share what is bringing me down. I work in a 24 hour unit. The schedule that I was hired for is evenings but recently (as in the last 6 months) we've had a major shortage and I've been switching back and forth from evenings to overnights. Overnights aren't that bad really but when you switch back and forth it can be a killer on your mood/psyche. Also, there is no set schedule. Sometimes the schedule is only released a week at a time and there's even been a few times I've only been informed of my shifts the night before they start. It's been rough to deal with and I know that it's caused me to become depressed which has negatively affected my relationships with my friends and boyfriend.

BUT there is hope. While I've been applying for other jobs there are two lead positions open at my work. One is for the graveyard shift. I know no one really wants that one and I think I might go for it. It would mean more money, a set schedule, and it would look amazing on my resume. While it is sort of shitty to use a promotion at your job to get another, different job my work place has been incredibly shitty to me and my sleep pattern. So suck it work.

BUT OMG THERE IS OTHER BETTER NEWS.
Today I (or my mother but whatever, you don't know me) made the last payment on my loan from UT. It's alllllll gone!!! GONE!!! GONE!!! Sorry.

I can't believe it's gone and in only 5 years! I'm so freaking happy :) This plus my raise at work PLUS other things being payed off means that in a few months I can (hopefully) refinance my awful Wells Fargo loan in a few months.

I guess the thing that I've learned in these last few months is that things can always be worse and they can always be better. That's just life. No one has it easy. Take this guy. Student loans ruined this guys life. He doesn't have a home because he wanted to get a job in a field he was passionate about. That's crazy. That's unfair. I have it rough but I have a support system.

I'm hoping that the future gets better. My boyfriend and I are thinking about moving in together which is not only awesome because more time with my boo but I would be saving a bundle. Plus, I really want to be able to do sweet stuff for my man. He does so much for me and he takes care of me and because I'm always broke I feel like I owe him so much. I know he doesn't care but I do. At least if we lived together I would be able to cook and clean and organize to "pull my weight". Those are things that I enjoy and are free :) Honestly, I'm super excited because I'd be able to pay more on my student loan PLUS buy a sewing machine. Yeah, I live the crazy life.

More Attempts at Pinterest

OKAY. So I'm back from bum-outs-ville and I'm feeling so much better. Honestly, that brief period of sadness did me a world of good. I realized that almost every protagonist in feel good movies goes through some sort of down swing before they realize their true potential. I'm not saying that I have everything figured out (I doubt I ever will) but I'm definitely realizing what is important to me and what I want out of life.

This post is dedicated to my first attempts at self lead crafting. My grandmother is a crafting God and when I was a child she taught/ helped me with all sorts of projects. However, I'm 26 and it's been a few years since I broke out a glue gun. But you gotta start somewhere, right?

First thing first, my attempt at a sea shell souvenir frame!

My boyfriend and I went to the coast a month or so ago and I wanted a cheesy souvenir to remember the trip by. Unfortunately, cheesy souvenirs can cost a pretty penny. While strolling the beach I collected some shells and when I got home I figured I could hot glue them to a frame that displayed one of my beach pictures. 

I ended up picking up a couple of super cheap frames from Ikea that had a beach-y feel to them. They were around $3 bucks a pop.

I'm sure I could have done this project better or more professionally. My plan of attack was just to glue beads and shells on the frames until I ran out of space or beads. If you look really closely you can see a few strands of hair like glue from my hot glue gun. I didn't create a beautiful piece of art but I did make a cute little frame that will always remind me of a fun trip. Also, it does look better from a distance and surrounded by other frames.

I posted a few weeks ago about some homemade sugar scrub. It was seriously so easy! I made two mason jars full of scrub for $0! I had all of the ingredients for the scrub (brown sugar, white sugar, oil) and I had some mason jars and ribbon laying around my house. And the labels I used? They came with my crock pot. So easy.

A few weeks ago on Pinterest I saw a recipe for Cheesy Quinoa cakes. I could have sworn I pinned them on my DIY I Want to Try but alas I'm not seeing them. Either way, they were incredibly easy to make and so delicious. The recipe can be found on Spoon, Fork, Bacon:

Their picture is so much better than mine (did you notice how my dvd remote is photo bombing my cakes?)

Trust me, if I call a recipe easy, it's easy. Plus it's super cheap, all I had to go out and buy was lemons for the aioli and green onions (both were less than $1). I made them for Girls night and for my boyfriend and they were a hit. Plus, its the kind of recipe you can easily modify with success. 

Despair?

I'm not sure what is going on with me but I've been really bummed out lately. More than bummed out. I'm not sure I would call it depression because I've never really experienced anything like this. I've been trying all week to put it into words and I've been struggling to pin point what has gotten me to this place. I guess it's a few things so I'm hoping by putting it down in writing I can get a firm grasp of this situation and change it.

First of all things with my boyfriend are kind of blah. I'm not sure when it happened and I can't really figure out if one of us is to "blame" but something has changed (or maybe nothing has changed and this depression is making me think that something has changed). When we first got together he was such a positive force in my life and I was so proud and happy. Now it feels that he's gotten super comfortable and doesn't even try anymore. We've been dating less than 4 months. Granted, I've only been in two long term relationships before but this seems a bit early to get comfortable. Again, I can't describe the feeling but I feel distance between us. I don't feel happy anymore.

THEN, there's my overwhelming debt. I feel trapped and burden by this enormous thing that I can't control or fix. I feel so sad that this is my life. There's been a lot of recent studies about how negatively social networking is affecting how people feel and I completely understand. When I log on to Facebook and I see people I knew in high school and they're married, having babies, and living in houses I feel so ashamed and sad that I'm not at that point (I honestly don't care about marriage and babies but I want a house more than anything). This wasn't supposed to be my life. I had potential. Now, I'm 26 and living alone in single bedroom apartment and I can't afford to get my hair cut. Most of my friends had family that paid for their college so no one really understands what I'm going through. I have no extra money, I'm worried all of the time and I feel so beyond pathetic. And honestly I don't see that changing.

I read some article today about a man who managed to pay off his $90,000 college debt in 7 months. I was so excited thinking that there was something I could do to get rid of this debt only to find out the guy paid off his debt with his six figure salary and sneaking flasks into bars. AWESOME. I can sneak flasks into bars till the fucking cows come home and it won't change the fact that this guy did what he did because he makes 3 times my gross annual salary.

I really hit bottom yesterday when I received a notice from my insurance saying they're not going to cover most of my dental work and the portion that I need to cover is $1200. I bawled my eyes out. It's such a stupid thing to cry over but I think it was just my breaking point. After a good 12 hour cry and How I Met Your Mother marathon I started to feel better (plus, talking with a co-worker who gave great insurance appeal advice). After taking some time to really examine my life and my heart I've come to a few conclusions:

I cannot count on my boyfriend (or anyone, for that matter) to help me
I don't mean this in a depressing, "everyone dies alone" super dramatic way. I just have to release and recognize that the only person who can change my life is me. I can't waste my time hoping for some magical solution to bring itself to me and fix all of my problems. If I'm not happy being this broke or living this way I'm the one responsible for fixing it.

My worth isn't what I own or where I live
Facebook and Pinterest are dangerous, evil places. That article I mentioned above talked about when it comes to social networking people create their own "brand" (like companies marketing a product). No one goes on to Facebook to advertise what a fuck up they are or how they gained weight or lost a job or whatever. People go on to Facebook to post vacation photos and celebrity encounters. People only share the good times, not the bad and that's not reality. I have to spend less time on social media for my own mental health and happiness and I have to remind myself that most people are only "advertising" the good times, not the bad and for the most part everyone struggles with some aspect of life.

I need to maintain perspective
I've mentioned before that when sad times hit I usually give myself a day to deal with how sad/depressed I feel. I throw a mean pity party. There's drinking, excessive crying, blaming God, and lots of couch time. It's great but it's not a party I want to go to often. So, while I think it's healthy to work through emotions I don't want to dwell on them. This is where perspective comes in. If, after my one day pity party extravaganza, I keep dwelling I must remind myself how lucky I truly am. In the past week one of the stories catching the attention of the nation is about a beautiful, young woman who cut herself while zip-lining and got infected with a flesh eating bacteria. While doctors think she may live they have had to amputate one entire leg, her remaining foot, and at least one of her hands (not to mention soft tissue on her abdomen). Whenever my mind tries to drift back to that "woe is me" place I imagine sitting down with this 24 year old woman and trying to explain to her how hard my life is. The ridiculousness of it snaps me right back to normal thought. Yes, I have debt. Yes, I have HUGE debt but I didn't get most of my body cut off. Heck, worse stuff happens to people everyday than debt.

I can't wait on fate
I keep waiting for someone or something to change my life. While I do believe we all have a destiny I think sometimes I use "fate" as a crutch so I don't have to make decisions. My anxiety stems from the overwhelming fear that I'm making the wrong decision. I've messed up in the past and now I feel terrified that I'll once again fuck something up. But I can't live that way. I have to take control of my own life even if it's scary.

I'm honestly not sure what I'm going to do. I have a few ideas but they're big and scary life changing ones. I just know that I'm not happy right now and I want to change that . I want to be free of this debt, I want to one day own a house, I want to be happy.

Gifts on the Cheap // Attempting Pinterest Crafts

The month of May has been hard on me financially. I had to get about $360 worth of dental work done (trust me, it was a HAD to not a WANT to). I also had to get some basic car repair and then it's my sisters birthday, college graduation and Mothers day. Awesome. When it rains it pours. But just because I'm broke doesn't mean I still can't give awesome gifts. I managed to get my mother and sister pretty cute stuff and spent less then $15 total. Awwww, yaaa. So how did I manage that? A bit of craftiness, a bit of cheapness, and the knowledge that my family isn't that big on expensive stuff (thank God).

First, the wrapping. If you haven't stopped by Targets dollar spot GO NOW. Just stop reading this, it isn't even important. I got both of these cute bags for just $1. I KNOW, RIGHT? I also got a 4 pack of greeting cards for a buck. The dollar spot is the best place in the world.

Cost of 2 bags: $1
Cost of 4 cards: $1
Total: $2

My Mom likes to knit so I found a half done scarf that I had been trying to work on for a year now and unraveled it and tied it with a bow. This whole being broke thing has made me appreciate how much I have and how I don't really need all of this stuff. I for see a lot of giving away in my future.

Cost of Yarn: Free
Cost of ribbon: Free
Total: $0

Homemade sugar scrub. Pinterest has given me a ton of great DIY projects I want to try. Luckily I had all of the ingredients for this basic sugar scrub. You just mix up brown sugar, white sugar, oil (don't use sesame oil like I did. Trust me), and some vanilla and BAM. Amazing scrub and since I already had everything it didn't cost me a dime.

Sugar scrub ingredients: $0

The item I spent the most on? Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me and Other Concerns by Mindy Kaling. I found it for $12 bucks at Half Price Books. A friend got it for me a few months ago and I love it and I'm really hoping that my sister will dig it.

I've gotta go since I'm already late for work but I'll be back soon with more fun stuff!!