Showing posts with label debt. Show all posts
Showing posts with label debt. Show all posts

Sunday, July 14, 2013

Pay Day Check In

What I Have:
Checking: $1,265.92
Savings: $1,804.19

What I Owe:
Wells Fargo: $82,888.05
Credit Card: $66.69
Target Card: $48.19
Utility: $169.07 (fucking Texas heat)
Med Bill: $22.07

My Plan:
-Pay off Target Card Balance
-Pay of Credit Card (however, I believe my renter's insurance bill goes through tomorrow so the balance will just be upped to $125 again but at least I'll be making a nice chunk payment.
-Pay of Med Bill
-Pay $600 on my student loan
-Save $100-$200 dollars for my fall trip (my goal is to save about $1000)



Sunday, July 7, 2013

Things I am Willing to Spend Money On // Bucket List

Saving money/getting out of debt isn't solely about being frugal and never having fun (although it can feel that way....a lot). For me, saving money is about eliminating unnecessary spending so I can save towards doing something I really, really, REALLY want to do. I want to make a list where I can keep track of things I want to motivate myself. Skipping a fancy $5 coffee is easy when you think of all the fun stuff that 5 bucks can go towards.

Things I am Willing to Spend Money On
1. Laser hair removal for my lower legs: I found a deal for $500!!
2. New iPhone: around $300
3. Fix my computer: DC jack repair is usually $100
4. Getting my passport: Total cost for fees and paperwork about $165
5. Laser eye surgery: my insurance should pay for some of it and I've seen deals for as cheap as $600 per eye


Bucket List
1. Travel to Canada: Boyfriend has found flights for as cheap as $350. First I have to get my passport (see #4 above)
2. Travel to Europe
3. Travel to East Coast w/ my boyfriend: we're in the middle of planning this trip, I want to save around $1000 to cover all the museums and restaurants I want to  visit.
4. Pay off my college debt
5. Own a home
6. Have/adopt/foster a couple of kids





Tuesday, July 2, 2013

After Pay Day



Things have been so hectic. I'm still in the middle of trying to refinance my student loan and it's extremely frustrating. Wells Fargo keeps saying the my Mom doesn't qualify for a cosigner (even though she's my current cosigner). At first we thought that Wells Fargo looking at her debt to income ratio and not considering that most of her debt comes from this particular student loan. Then, in one of my many, many delightful chats with a rep they said that Wells Fargo makes sure not to consider the loan they are currently holding against someone if all they are trying to do is refinance. My mom had already faxed in a few credit reports showing that the only outstanding debt she has is this loan. Of course I tried to explain that to them and they did their usual, "well I can't discuss this with you because you're not the cosigner" bullshit so I had to get off the phone, ring up my mom, and have her call back.

So, she calls back and gets another rep who tries to tell her all sorts of nonsense but luckily I told me mom to request a supervisory review because they were clearly being misleading. We should know if the next few days what they decide. The thing that's REALLY frustrating about all of this??? It's probably all worth nothing. All I want is a low, fixed rate. When I first started paying back this piece of shit loan I wanted a fixed rate because over the long run it's the smarter choice (and Lord knows I'm a stickler for consistency) but all they could offer me at the type was a variable rate of 8.5% versus a fixed rate of 13%. That's so freakin' ridiculous. That's credit card rate ridiculous. This time around I do qualify for a fixed rate as low as 7.49% and I would love that! All I want is to be able to plan down to the penny where my money is going, to not live in fear of this slimy, fat cat banking hiking up my rates on whatever whim they like.


What I have:
Checking: $51.12 (after rent + student loan + lots of ice cream this weekend)
Savings: $1800.41

What I Owe:
Wells Fargo Student Loan: $82,888.05
Credit Card: $58.76

During my lovely chat with Wells Fargo I also decide to cancel my auto withdraw. I'm so sick of being broke every first of the month. I end up with like 20 bucks left over so I have to rely on my credit card or dip into my savings and I hate doing that. Since I'm so ahead in payments I have some wiggle room to figure out a way to pay back a lot but not in such a way that leaves me scrambling.


Thursday, June 27, 2013

6 Month of Loan Payments

I have put off the entry forever. Which is strange because I'm very proud of what I have accomplished. I think I'm just being utterly lazy.

Let's review! I had originally wanted to save 1k a month until I could make a chunk $10,000 payment. However after some research I realized I would get slightly better results by making two monthly payments. So it began, I have lived off of only a few hundred (if not less each month). I pay rent, student loans, bills, gas and grocery and whatever left is mine for either saving or fun. Most months I end up with around $20 bucks in my account before payday.

What I Paid in 2012

                      Amt Toward            Amt Towards
                          Principle                   Interest
January                $6.54                     $739.06
February             $116.89                  $628.71
March                 $96.05                    $649.55
April                   $75.11                    $670.49
May                    $118.89                  $626.71
June                    $95.05                    $650.55
July                    $117.29                   $628.31
August               $97.19                     $648.41
September         $97.89                      $647.71
October             $119.47                    $626.13
November         $99.46                      $646.14
December         $120.99                     $624.61
TOTAL           $1,160.82                  $7,786.38

Seriously, look at January, only $6 bucks towards principle!!?!?!? Fuck you Wells Fargo. I didn't really keep track of my payments during the first year, I set up automatic payments and just didn't deal with it. I didn't want to think of what was going to principle or how much I was paying in interest or even how long it was going to take. I didn't feel like I had the power to, even if I knew what kind of financial trouble I was in there was nothing I could do about it. Once I got a new (and much, much, much better) job I was able to have the extra cash to take care of business.

What I Paid in 2013 (so far!!)


                      Amt Toward            Amt Toward
                          Principle                   Interest
January               $101.04                   $644.56
January pt2         $708.44                   $291.56
February             $394.37                   $351.23
February pt2       $712.04                   $287.96
March                 $459.96                   $285.64
March pt2           $715.86                   $284.14
April                   $403.41                   $342.19
April pt2             $719.51                   $280.49
May                    $427.72                   $626.71
May pt2              $723.25                   $276.75
June                    $412.41                   $333.19
June pt2              $446.45                   $253.55
TOTAL             $6,224.46                $3,949.14



                         Payment    Amt Toward            Amt Toward            
                               MAde                     Principle                   Interest
July                        $745.60                   $415.81                  $329.79
July pt2                  $600.00                   $                             $
August                   $                              $                             $
August pt2             $                              $                             $
September              $                              $                             $
September pt2        $                              $                             $
October                  $                              $                             $
October pt2            $                              $                             $
November              $                              $                             $
November pt2        $                              $                             $
December              $                              $                             $
December pt2        $                              $                             $
TOTAL                $1345.60                 $414.81                  $329.79


I am so proud of what I've been able to do with this loan. I've paid close to 600% more in just 6 months than what I paid in my first year. I will end up paying close to the same amount of interest (if not slightly lower) this year even though I'm paying so much more. I sometime's get so discouraged because I have so far to go but I just have to remind myself that I'm only 27 years old and I've only been at this for 6 months.



Friday, June 14, 2013

Pay Day Check In

I love pay day :) However this pay day is going to be slightly different than previous pay days. I really have to catch up on bills. As awesome as it feels to pay off so much from my student loans it is terrible to realize you only have $50 bucks to live off of for two weeks and some how try to stretch groceries and gas out of that.

What I have:
Checking: $1289.22
Savings: $1800.63


What I owe:
Utilities: $150
Credit Card: $185.86
Student Loan: $83,750.31

My Plan:
-Pay off Credit Card
-Pay Utility Bill
-Pay $700 to student loan

Once the dust clears from that I'm planning on going grocery shopping and purchasing my father a Father's Day gift. After all that's done I should have around $100-$50 remaining. I want to put some additional funds in my savings. I really prefer at least $2,000 in savings and I want to eventually grow it. I think I need to work into my budget a monthly savings contribution.

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Pay Day Finances

I want to start monitoring my spending/debt more closely. I feel that it will help to keep me more strict and honest with my budget plus it really feeds my Type A personality to organize everything.

Today I got paid (yay!) which means that I have to go in and pay all my bills (boo!). Here's the current breakdown:

What I have:

Checking: $1318.93
Savings: $1825.18
Pocket book: $20 from babysitting

What I owe:
Credit card: $109.36
Utilities: $116.51

I plan on using the money I have from babysitting to put gas into my tank (I'm going home this weekend for a late mother's day and will definitely need it). I'm also babysitting tonight and the $30 or $40 bucks I earn from that will go towards paying for photos I had printed for my Mom's Mother's Day gift (only $10!) and then a birthday happy hour I plan on attending this Friday. If I pay all of my bills plus my usual $1000 on my student loans I will only have $93 left in my checking and I will have put nothing away for savings. Sort of a bummer.

My plan is to pay my utility bill in full (because lights and air conditioning are pretty nifty), pay $50 towards my credit card, and pay $1000 towards my student loan.

I find the only way I can stomach paying so much on my student loan is to do it very early in the morning on pay day. That way I'm still sleepy/out of it and my brain doesn't have time to process all the fun things I could do with an extra grand each month. Plus, since it's pay day I'm not used to seeing so much in my bank account. Most days when I log into my account I see something awesome like I only have $27 bucks to live on for 2 weeks.

The thing that makes it easier is that I'm telling myself that I'm just doing it for one year. Now I do have a 5 year plan to pay off my 90k student loan but all I'm holding myself accountable for is one year. I just have to pay a lot this year and next year things will be easier. I will have paid it (hopefully) down into the $70,000 ish area which will be easier to deal with/look at/live with than 90K. Once I've done my first year I'll look at my budget and realize that by the end of year two I should have it down to around $50k. Once I get it below $50k I can slow down a bit. The interest each month will be lower, it's a more typical student loan amount than close to $100k. I'll be able to save more for a house and maybe even feel more comfortable spending money on fun things. I've just got to take it one pay day at a time.



Saturday, February 23, 2013

GOAL



I'm 90% I didn't do the last few days on my 14 days of Love blog thing. I was so out of it on cold medication last week I honestly don't care. I'm finally coming through the worst of it though. My sore throat has disappeared and now I'm just a walking bucket of snot. Which actually isn't too bad; at least I can blow my nose and move on with my life without having to take intense medication that makes me a walking zombie.

So I spent a couple of days doing my best to map out my financial future. It's imbedded in my DNA to try to plan and organize even if it's silly. My life sometimes feels like a series of jokes and downfalls of my plans. What is that saying? "Best laid plans"? I'm making this financial map with a big, giant, humongous grain of salt. I know things occur, I know bad stuff comes up, I know that there will always be road blocks to my goals. HOWEVER, I will work my hardest to reach my goal so I can finally be debt free.

Using an Excel spreadsheet I worked out the numbers if I continue to pay $1745.60 a month in student loans. My original deal with Wells Fargo was a $90,000 loan on a 30 year repayment plan that when calculated with interest will eventually cost me around $230,000 to pay back. BUT, if I stick to my twice a month payment planing (paying a total of $1745.60 a month) I will finish paying off my loan by April 1st of 2018.

It's both amazing and heartbreaking for me to potentially be free of this loan in 5 years. Amazing because not many people can rid themselves of such a large amount of debt in such a short amount of time. Heartbreaking because even though I'll finally be free of debt I'm going to have to miss out on so much. I'll be 33 the time this is (maybe) over. Only then will I be able to start saving for a house and that will take me a few years to do. By the time I can afford a house payment I'll be (probably) 35 or 36. Only then will it be responsible to have children (at least for me). I'm still partially on the fence about having children but I know that if I was to have them I'd want it to be earlier than that. I sometimes think it's best to put away certain life plans because it makes me feel too sad about my current situation. Luckily, I doubt I'll ever get married which (for me) is such a blessing because I could never afford a wedding (even one of those super adorable cheap-y Pinterest weddings).

I don't want this post to be a super bum out, even if I am feeling pretty bummed out right about now. For the past few years my heart has been pulled toward fostering children. Maybe this whole debt thing is to prevent me from having my own biological children because I have a bunch of lovely foster children just waiting for me. I would love to hit 33, be debt free, start creating my dream home and then bringing in loads and loads of children who just need love. I babysit for a friend of mine sometimes and baby's are hard. They crawl everywhere and it's your job to teach this little thing how to be a person. That's a pretty insane thing to do. When you foster children you get this lovely little human who pretty much already knows the basics and it's your job to love them and give them a better home than what they came from. How easy is that?!?! These children come from terrible homes with drug addicted and abusive parents. To be a great parent to them you just have to be there and be healthy and loving. I'm awesome at that.

I figured out a way to make this repayment a little easier to swallow. A reward system (a reward other than the joy I get from not being in debt). Every time I pay off $10,000 in principle I get to buy myself a present. With each $10,000 principle pay off the gifts can get better. They can be whatever I want. I've estimated paying off $10,000 in principle by September 2013 and I've already started thinking about what I want. Nice makeup? Some new clothes? Basically, I want to drop $50-$100 on myself. Yes, that money could go towards my loans but it's nice to treat yourself.


Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Need Some Inspiration

There comes a time in everyone's journey (towards whatever) that you need a little motivation/inspiration/fuel for your fire. I'm about to end month one of a two year journey towards financial freedom. I keep looking at how far I have to go instead of looking at (and appreciating) all the progress that I've made. So while I sit here and enjoy my morning coffee and eggs here are some easily Googled stories of other people who have faced the student loan debt monster and survived.

Paying off $22,000 in debt in 18 months

Paying off $15,000 in Student Loan Debt
Does it make me a monster to sort of eye-roll when people talk about "debt" that's under $20k? I'm pushing triple digit debt over here and would KILL for some itty bitty amount like that.

Advice for those with Medical School Debt
Apparently it is not uncommon for those with Medical School Debt to make student loan payments of $3,000 a month. I'm sure they probably look at my debt situation and eye-roll, haha. Also, in order to keep things in perspective this article talks about how there are still senators making payments on their student loans.

I had found other articles but I've already featured them before, there's the crazy kid who ate rotten food to save money (don't do that, just buy fresh food, paying off debt isn't that important) and then the jerk face who managed to pay off $90,000 in student loan debt in one year (and he just happens to make $100k a year).

This isn't the greatest blog post of all time but every once in a while it's important to remember that you're not alone in debt. Millions of people have money problems and there's so much inspiration and good advice out there. I'm going to make it through this mess, it's not going to be easy and it's going to take some time but in 2 years I'm going to be in such a better place.


Saturday, January 12, 2013

Crunching Numbers

Source
Way, way, way back in September of 2011 I posted my monthly budget. I was trying to figure out ways to save up for my student loan bills. It was after that time that I was mailed the letter saying I owed $821 a month in student loans. I want to take a look back and update the numbers to see how far I've come in a little over a year.


Looking back I have no idea how I managed to scrap an extra $745.60 out of my 2011 finances. I know I couldn't really afford to make any more payments on my previous student loan which was embarrassing and frustrating. Luckily, my Mom was able to help me with that. I am very proud to say that I have made every student loan payment now myself and even though it's hard I feel very accomplished for doing this.

How I saved money this past year:
-Got a better job where I make about $10,000 more a year (thank you Lord!!)
-Moved in with my boyfriend, splitting the costs of bills is a life saver
-Free cable and Internet due to my boyfriends job (yes!)

I've been taking the bus more and more which is great at saving on gas costs. I've been terrible about it this past month because it's been really cold and I've been working two jobs. Leaving the house at 5am or 6am and getting off at 10pm is hard enough without having to wait for a bus. But it's definitely my goal to take it more this month. Got to pinch pennies where ever you can!

If you noticed above the difference between what I spend now versus what I make leaves a nice little chunk of ~$1000 left each month. This would be the extra $1000 I plan on spending each month on my student loans. I had contemplated just making an additional payment each month and putting the rest in savings but the difference is pretty astounding:


I remember every time I called Wells Fargo and asked for help I never understood why they only thing they suggested was paying more. Now I sort of get it, it's the interest that kills you. I'm at about 8% interest right now and most of what I pay doesn't do anything to chip away at the principal loan. They way I see it, this year I'm paying around $6000 dollars in interest no matter what, I'd rather pay a little extra and pay off $3000 more of my loan. I've done the math for about 2 years out and if I keep making huge payments I could knock it down to around $50,000 which is so much more manageable than close to $100,000. Now, this math is all based around my interest rate staying at 8%, knowing my luck it'll skyrocket to a million and I'll just die. However, if that doesn't happen, or if *gasp* luck could smile down upon me and LOWER that interest rate I can make such a huge interest in 2 years. I'm a little bummed about not being able to save for a house but once I pay off this thing I'll have so much extra cash it'll take me a year to save up.

So that's it. That's my financial goal for this year. Pay as much of this silly, stupid, God awful loan off as I can. However, here's the catch. I want to be able to do it and still have a life. I read an article recently about a guy who managed to pay off $26,500 in student debt in 2 years. This is great. Except dude did some CRAZY ass shit, like not turning on the heater in Atlanta winters. I turn on the heater and I live in Texas. He also sometimes ate spoiled food. I'm all about financial goals and sacrifices but I want to prove that it is entirely possible to save money and pay off debt without becoming a shell of a person. I can live life and live it BETTER than before because I'm becoming more and more financially sound.



Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Changes!!!



So I'm really gung-ho about making some positive changes in my life right now. First step: I've changed my "About Me" from "Broke ass wino trying to get out of debt" to "Broke ass wino trying to improve my life in every way without the use of money". After my life semi-depressing entry I started to really think about what I wanted and how I could get it. My whole life I've been poor and it's never really bothered me because I'm (usually) a happy, healthy, and thankful person. But there's this idea in modern American culture that the ONLY way to improve ANY part of your life is by spending money. Want to get fit? Better dole out lots of cash on expensive gyms and organic foods. Want to be happy? You need all of the latest gadgets and gizmos and a big fancy house. IT'S CRAZY.

Just because I'm broke (and I mean seriously broke, I have less than a $1 in my bank until payday this Friday) doesn't mean that I can't live the best possible life. I can get fit, I can have happy relationships, I can have a beautiful home. Yes, it would probably be much, much easier if I had money but it's not impossible!

So! What's my plan?
1. Get Fit: I mentioned in my last post that I wanted to lose weight/get fit. How can I do this without money?? The two main parts of fitness are diet and exercise. I joined a gym years ago and the $30 bucks it costs me a month completely works in my budget. BUT it's also possible to workout with out a gym. The internet is amazing. Go to Youtube and find exercise clips, go to a free park and do lunges and situps. Run around the local high school football field. Honestly, the only reason I even joined a gym is because running outside in the Texas heat can cause some serious damage to a girl as pale as I am.

There's this idea that eating healthy has to cost a pretty penny. You know what makes grocery shopping cost  a lot?? Poor meal planning. Right now it's summer and fruits are incredible cheap. Last time I went grocery shopping I got a whole seedless watermelon, nectarines, beans, quinoa, and a few other items for less then $20 bucks. Shop the bulk food and whole food sections. A bag of beans costs $1 and makes 4 times as much as 1 can of pre made black beans. It also has less sodium. Right now I'm chowing down on 1 cup cooked quinoa and 1 cup cooked black beans all for about 442 calories.

Now, the hard part about dieting and getting fit is you have to find what works for YOU. I've mentioned before I really love The Token Fat Girl and she posted today about how, for her, counting calories is a waste and leads to counter productive eating. For me, I need to count calories because I can become SO consumed by my competitive nature and try to eat less and less that I end up GAINING weight because my body isn't getting what it needs. It seems odd that in order to lose weight you have to eat more sometimes but it's true. If you're body is working out too much and not getting the right nutrition your metabolism is going to shut down. I have a handy (and FREE!) app on my iPhone that helps me keep tabs. It's insane that I can snack all day and then when I check my calories I'm still a few hundred away from my goal.

2. Get out of Debt: This one is hardy and will take the longest. Right now I'm in a rough spot. Life has been doling out the usual stuff (dead car battery, dentist, bad tire, etc) and, like I said above, I have $1 left in my account. I'm just really thankful that my apartment is taking their sweet time to cash my rent check so hopefully I can make it until Friday. But by the end of this year I'm hoping that I'll be in a much better spot: paying less in rent and paying more towards my loan. This loan isn't going to go away over night and with the interest rates the first few years are going to be the hardest but I know that I can pay it off.

3. Be Happy: This one is pretty ridiculous but I don't see any reason why I can's live an awesome and fun life  just because I'm broke. My situation is a little different because my boyfriend has money so I still get to do fun things because he can pay but even if he wasn't around I think it's entirely possible to be poor and happy. I'm lucky that I live in Austin that has so many fun and free things. Free movies in the park, gorgeous rivers and green belts open to the public, opportunities to volunteer to help others, the list goes on and on. Yes, I'd probably be REALLY happy if I had millions of dollars and could pay off all of my debts and travel the world but I don't NEED money to be happy.

ALSO:
I just finished two really amazing books that I want to recommend. I mentioned that I joined a library a few months ago and they've started to offer eBooks to rent. Afterwards by Rosamund Lupton and Never Look Away by Linwood Barclay. Plus this helps me reach my goal of two books a month! I figure, those two books can take care of June and sometime tonight I'll see about downloading two new books for July. 


Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Mid Year Resolutions

I like lists. Especially to-do lists. Like, a lot. There's just something so satisfying with creating a list of things I need/want to do and then crossing them off. It's very satisfying. A few months ago I made New Years Resolutions (like a million [billion??] other people). A few months later I held myself accountable for them. Now that we're officially half way through the year I want to check in again to measure my progress and also add a few more to the list.

So, here are the resolutions that I had:

Resolutions
1. Join a library/read more   I joined a library in January or February and I've been pretty good about regularly going and checking out books. But honestly, you can never read too much.  So maybe I can modify this resolution with a new one: Read at least 2 new books a month

2. Lose weight: FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK. So, you know what, I still suck at this one. I have hit a plateau of all plateaus :( BUT! I've recently fired myself up about changing that :) I stumbled upon a Tumblr account that really fired me up. Check out Before and Afters  for some great healthy motivation. This week I've hit the gym every day, I've cut out drinking (I know!!!) and I'm trying to watch what I eat. So maybe a few new goals?? Hit 135 lbs by the end of the year and be able to bench press 70 lbs (twice what I can do now).

3. Run more/run 10k in less than an hour: This week I've been really good about running but I haven't worked up to a 10k yet. So new goal: Run a 10k in under an hour by the end of the year. 

4. Pay off debt: As you may remember I paid off one of my college loans at the beginning of this month. But of course, nothing good can stay for long and I've been hit with new bull shit at every possible moment. I want so badly to save money and every time I come close I keep getting the rug pulled out from under me. Trying to save money, oh PS you need major dental work. Oh, you finally got all your dental work done and you almost paid it off? PS your car battery is dead. Ok, so you spent the last little bit of money you had for a car battery and you're ALMOST to pay day? Fuck you, you have a slow leak in one of your tires. YEP. I had to spend $20 bucks on a tire pump.  Now I get to fill my tire until pay day so I can hopefully get it patched because Lord knows I don't have enough for a new tire. I'm just so tired of it all. I don't mean to get all depressing but I could really use a break. My boyfriend and I have been talking about moving in and I'm just getting the worst cold feet ever. I've lived with someone before and it ended so badly and I'm just so scared. This blog is like a memorial to all of the bad decisions I've made in life and what if this is just another one? But I can't live alone because my lovely apartment complex raised the rent from $605 to $667 and I just can't afford that. I'm hoping that this all is just due to a really intense case of PMS and that I'll start to feel better soon. Oh, and one more PS; even though I just got all of that dental work done my back tooth is killing me and I think I might have a cavity.  It never fucking ends.   This blog I follow Thrifty Decor Chick has made a lot of really inspiring posts about paying off $125,000 and I'm just hoping to be able to do something similar. That is, if life can just stop using me a human punching bag. 

5. Second job: Yikes, sorry about that little dip into despair above. The sadness and frustration is strong within me. Even though my schedule sucks I've been able to pick up shifts at my second job when I really needed them and today I start babysitting for my friend. I really hope that it turns into something regular because she's willing to pay me $10 bucks an hour!! It may not be much but every little bit helps. 

6. Date up:  So, I've mentioned before I really care for my boyfriend. He's wayyyyy better then every other dude I've dated. For the most part he's got his life together. But sometimes I hate him ?? Is this normal??? Now, I'm PMSing so bad right now I could cry, retain all the water in the oceans, and punch an old lady so maybe this is just hormones talking. Or maybe this is how all relationships are? Is it normal to go back and forth between wanting to marry someone and wanting to never see them again? I have a really bad case of fear of commitment. REALLY BAD. Relationships scare the bejesus out of me which is probably why I'm so bad in them and they never really last. I'm very good and treating nice guys poorly and pushing them away. I want so badly to stop and I'm trying to hard but I just wonder if my efforts are futile. Honestly, with my behavior I can't imagine anyone wanting to stay in a committed relationship with me. I can be a real jerk :(

7. Take myself on dates. Lol, no. Not really. I can't afford to get my hair cut let alone take myself on "dates" but I'm still crossing it off because I always try to make "me" time. I like "me" time. I think being alone is really fun honestly. I'd rather be at home with a nice drink and a Netflix queue filled with great movies then out at a club. 

8. Craft more:  I've made attempts at crafting more but I'm really not where I want to be at due to having no money. All I can do is hope for more cash/inspiration in the future to craft on a super tight budget. 


Updated 2012 Resolutions
1. Read at least 2 new books a month
2. Weigh 135 lbs (only a 12 lb weight loss)
3. Bench 70 lbs (2x what I can do now)
4. Refinance my piece of shit Wells Fargo loans to a 10 year plan
5. Stop being such a piece of shit jerk 
6. Craft more




Friday, June 1, 2012

Positive Changes

Things are going much, much, much better :) My boyfriend and I had an amazing talk and we're on a good path again, I've come to terms with my current crazy schedule, and I'm making more of an effort to see friends.

I haven't really shared much about my work for a few reasons. This is the internet and frankly, while I put a lot of stuff on this blog, I really don't want anyone knowing who I am. I like my privacy. But I can share what is bringing me down. I work in a 24 hour unit. The schedule that I was hired for is evenings but recently (as in the last 6 months) we've had a major shortage and I've been switching back and forth from evenings to overnights. Overnights aren't that bad really but when you switch back and forth it can be a killer on your mood/psyche. Also, there is no set schedule. Sometimes the schedule is only released a week at a time and there's even been a few times I've only been informed of my shifts the night before they start. It's been rough to deal with and I know that it's caused me to become depressed which has negatively affected my relationships with my friends and boyfriend.

BUT there is hope. While I've been applying for other jobs there are two lead positions open at my work. One is for the graveyard shift. I know no one really wants that one and I think I might go for it. It would mean more money, a set schedule, and it would look amazing on my resume. While it is sort of shitty to use a promotion at your job to get another, different job my work place has been incredibly shitty to me and my sleep pattern. So suck it work.

BUT OMG THERE IS OTHER BETTER NEWS.
Today I (or my mother but whatever, you don't know me) made the last payment on my loan from UT. It's alllllll gone!!! GONE!!! GONE!!! Sorry.

I can't believe it's gone and in only 5 years! I'm so freaking happy :) This plus my raise at work PLUS other things being payed off means that in a few months I can (hopefully) refinance my awful Wells Fargo loan in a few months.

I guess the thing that I've learned in these last few months is that things can always be worse and they can always be better. That's just life. No one has it easy. Take this guy. Student loans ruined this guys life. He doesn't have a home because he wanted to get a job in a field he was passionate about. That's crazy. That's unfair. I have it rough but I have a support system.

I'm hoping that the future gets better. My boyfriend and I are thinking about moving in together which is not only awesome because more time with my boo but I would be saving a bundle. Plus, I really want to be able to do sweet stuff for my man. He does so much for me and he takes care of me and because I'm always broke I feel like I owe him so much. I know he doesn't care but I do. At least if we lived together I would be able to cook and clean and organize to "pull my weight". Those are things that I enjoy and are free :) Honestly, I'm super excited because I'd be able to pay more on my student loan PLUS buy a sewing machine. Yeah, I live the crazy life.



Saturday, May 19, 2012

Despair?

I'm not sure what is going on with me but I've been really bummed out lately. More than bummed out. I'm not sure I would call it depression because I've never really experienced anything like this. I've been trying all week to put it into words and I've been struggling to pin point what has gotten me to this place. I guess it's a few things so I'm hoping by putting it down in writing I can get a firm grasp of this situation and change it.

First of all things with my boyfriend are kind of blah. I'm not sure when it happened and I can't really figure out if one of us is to "blame" but something has changed (or maybe nothing has changed and this depression is making me think that something has changed). When we first got together he was such a positive force in my life and I was so proud and happy. Now it feels that he's gotten super comfortable and doesn't even try anymore. We've been dating less than 4 months. Granted, I've only been in two long term relationships before but this seems a bit early to get comfortable. Again, I can't describe the feeling but I feel distance between us. I don't feel happy anymore.

THEN, there's my overwhelming debt. I feel trapped and burden by this enormous thing that I can't control or fix. I feel so sad that this is my life. There's been a lot of recent studies about how negatively social networking is affecting how people feel and I completely understand. When I log on to Facebook and I see people I knew in high school and they're married, having babies, and living in houses I feel so ashamed and sad that I'm not at that point (I honestly don't care about marriage and babies but I want a house more than anything). This wasn't supposed to be my life. I had potential. Now, I'm 26 and living alone in single bedroom apartment and I can't afford to get my hair cut. Most of my friends had family that paid for their college so no one really understands what I'm going through. I have no extra money, I'm worried all of the time and I feel so beyond pathetic. And honestly I don't see that changing.

I read some article today about a man who managed to pay off his $90,000 college debt in 7 months. I was so excited thinking that there was something I could do to get rid of this debt only to find out the guy paid off his debt with his six figure salary and sneaking flasks into bars. AWESOME. I can sneak flasks into bars till the fucking cows come home and it won't change the fact that this guy did what he did because he makes 3 times my gross annual salary.

I really hit bottom yesterday when I received a notice from my insurance saying they're not going to cover most of my dental work and the portion that I need to cover is $1200. I bawled my eyes out. It's such a stupid thing to cry over but I think it was just my breaking point. After a good 12 hour cry and How I Met Your Mother marathon I started to feel better (plus, talking with a co-worker who gave great insurance appeal advice). After taking some time to really examine my life and my heart I've come to a few conclusions:

I cannot count on my boyfriend (or anyone, for that matter) to help me
I don't mean this in a depressing, "everyone dies alone" super dramatic way. I just have to release and recognize that the only person who can change my life is me. I can't waste my time hoping for some magical solution to bring itself to me and fix all of my problems. If I'm not happy being this broke or living this way I'm the one responsible for fixing it.

My worth isn't what I own or where I live
Facebook and Pinterest are dangerous, evil places. That article I mentioned above talked about when it comes to social networking people create their own "brand" (like companies marketing a product). No one goes on to Facebook to advertise what a fuck up they are or how they gained weight or lost a job or whatever. People go on to Facebook to post vacation photos and celebrity encounters. People only share the good times, not the bad and that's not reality. I have to spend less time on social media for my own mental health and happiness and I have to remind myself that most people are only "advertising" the good times, not the bad and for the most part everyone struggles with some aspect of life.

I need to maintain perspective
I've mentioned before that when sad times hit I usually give myself a day to deal with how sad/depressed I feel. I throw a mean pity party. There's drinking, excessive crying, blaming God, and lots of couch time. It's great but it's not a party I want to go to often. So, while I think it's healthy to work through emotions I don't want to dwell on them. This is where perspective comes in. If, after my one day pity party extravaganza, I keep dwelling I must remind myself how lucky I truly am. In the past week one of the stories catching the attention of the nation is about a beautiful, young woman who cut herself while zip-lining and got infected with a flesh eating bacteria. While doctors think she may live they have had to amputate one entire leg, her remaining foot, and at least one of her hands (not to mention soft tissue on her abdomen). Whenever my mind tries to drift back to that "woe is me" place I imagine sitting down with this 24 year old woman and trying to explain to her how hard my life is. The ridiculousness of it snaps me right back to normal thought. Yes, I have debt. Yes, I have HUGE debt but I didn't get most of my body cut off. Heck, worse stuff happens to people everyday than debt.

I can't wait on fate
I keep waiting for someone or something to change my life. While I do believe we all have a destiny I think sometimes I use "fate" as a crutch so I don't have to make decisions. My anxiety stems from the overwhelming fear that I'm making the wrong decision. I've messed up in the past and now I feel terrified that I'll once again fuck something up. But I can't live that way. I have to take control of my own life even if it's scary.

I'm honestly not sure what I'm going to do. I have a few ideas but they're big and scary life changing ones. I just know that I'm not happy right now and I want to change that . I want to be free of this debt, I want to one day own a house, I want to be happy.

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Just a quickie...

Who just paid $2000 on their UT loan? This chick. Oh yeah, 2 more months and that sucker is done and then I can set my sites on destroying my Wells Fargo loan.

Friday, March 23, 2012

Picture Update: Valentine's Day

I recently feel in love with Token Fat Girl over at Natural Weight Loss Blog. Seriously, she is my blogger hero. All her updates are gorgeous and every food item she posts looks mouth watering.

Anywhoo! Her wonderful blog inspired me to try to post more and to include more personal life updates and pictures. I know I'm a bit (aka A LOT) late with a Valentine's day post but I'm trying to clear out the photos from my iPhone and this was the first batch. ENJOY!

Chocolate Festival at Central Market; sorry for the blurry snap, I was too busy trying to stuff my basket full of sweets to concentrate on photo art.


This is the chocolate I used for the Guajillo Chili Chocolate Mexicano Cupcakes in this post. The Bacon chocolate didn't last long enough to make it to a recipe.


Homemade whipped cream and strawberries <3. The thing I love I about the "recipe" for homemade whipped cream? Take heavy whipping cream, whip, stuff your face. How easy?


Ridiculous Valentine that I sent my man. If you don't know about the Honey Badger*, you really need to get your shit together.

*I say (type?) that in jest, I just learned about the honey badger like, last month. And I'm pretty good at dicking away time on the internet.


How my man and I celebrated February 13th. Drank too much whiskey, ate pizza, and I got flowers <3 For the actual day of Valentines he cooked me dinner, and took me to a drive in, and we enjoyed that homemade whipped cream, strawberries and chocolate :)

Sorry this post isn't terribly long, I have to go to my second job then I go to my first job. Ugh, it isn't easy balancing my schedule.

Friday, March 2, 2012

March 2012 Link Roundup

I just want to roll in a pile of money......and then use it to pay off my student loans

So I wanted to start a new feature where I gathered news articles, hot topics, and current trends about savings, debt, and money in one easy post. Not only will this save time and stress in trying to keep up to date with everything, hopefully some great advice can be gathered and spread :)

In "You've Got to be Fucking Kidding Me/Rich People are Bastards" News
Banker Complains his $350, 000 bonus isn't enough This banker has the audacity to complain about being cash strapped and possibly not being able to afford private school, multiple homes, and fancy home renovations. SHUT THE FUCK UP. I buy dollar store toothpaste you do not know the meaning of poor or broke or strapped for cash. The article discusses how the poor can't understand the stress of the rick. Puh-lease. This banker is fretting over whether he might have to pull his kids from private school. I fret over weather I can turn on the heater when I'm freezing my ass off in my apartment.

Rich Woman Enslaves Illegal Immigrant for 6 Years: This woman lived in a mega mansion. MEGA. Helicopter pads, gold gilded ceilings, 35 rooms, etc, etc and she can't bare the idea of paying the woman who is raising her children a minimum wage. The mansion has 35 rooms and she forced this human being to live in a closet (granted it was probably a fairly large closet but still)!! Then she had the audacity to try to convince the woman's son to lie so she won't get in big trouble. I hope the illegal immigrant only identified as V.M. gets a hefty pay day and can live happily while rich whitey gets what she deserves in prison.

In "Oh, So I Just Suck at the Internet" News
Man Makes $10,000 off of Ebay Now I've mentioned in a few posts about trying to sell items on Ebay (if not please visit my store and buy my things so I can eat!). But, at the most, I've made $100 bucks. This dude makes thousands. THOUSANDS (why do I keep shouting?!?!). While, at first, this article just made me feel pathetic it also offered up some great tips on how to up your business on Ebay. The tip about using your smart phone while at thrift stores to check to see if an item is selling is great and I would have never thought about even looking into sports jerseys. As of right now, selling is sort of low on my list of priorities but it's something that I can always fall back on.

In "Saving Money the Old Fashion Way" News
Wash Your Hair Less!!: I have a ton of hair and it costs so much time and effort to up keep it. I started saving money by switching from expensive salons to beauty schools and I've gone a step further by decreasing how often I wash my hair. I usually wash my hair every other day, I've been dying my hair for years and I need the extra oil. However, now I try to go every two days or 3 times a week. Some people can go longer however, I'm in the process of growing my natural hair out and it's far greasier than the dried out dyed out I'm used to dealing with. Now, I know what you're thinking, walking around with greasy hair is gross, unprofessional, and unattractive. Yes, that is all true. BUTTTTT, there is a product that saves the day. Dry Shampoo. It is the most glorious invention ever. Just a few sprays and oily hair is transformed and appears clean looking. TRESemme just came out with a new line of dry shampoos and conditions. For less then $3 bucks you can improve your hairs health, save time on washing your hair, and save money on expensive shampoos and conditions.

6 Ingredients You Don't Really Have to Buy: I love this article. I tend to eat the same thing so I have only basic ingredients in my house. Now instead of fretting and feeling the need to run to the store if I don't have something I can just whip it up in my kitchen. Also, subbing plain yogurt for sour cream is heaven on your waist line.

6 Simple Changes that can Help You Save $2,997 a year on Groceries: I really like this article because it points out how small changes can add up to big results. Something as simple as cutting out meat a few nights a week can reduce spending (as well as improve the environment and your figure!). This article touts the wonders of the slow cooker which I feel that I have mentioned more than a few times on this blog. Best investment and so easy to use.

Myths About Car Repairs That Cost You Money: I love this article because I don't really now much about cars and it's nice to have an easy to use guide on car repairs. I don't know jack shit about engines or transmissions but I can just add a few thousand miles in between oil changes. That's more than easy since I often suffer from extreme laziness. It's insane how we become so convinced that there are things we have to do (wash our hair every day or be dirty, change oil every 3,000 miles or hurt the car, etc) that are simply ploys to get us to spend and waste more.

In life news I'm going on vacation at the end of the month!!! Woo-hooooo!!! My boo is in desperate need of a vacation (he's been working 6 days a week for a while now) and wanted to hit up the beach. Because I've obviously died and gone to heaven he wants to take me along. He's rented us a cabin on the beach. Whose life am I living right now?? My main worry is obviously spending too much so I'm coming up with great tips and ideas to save money on vacation. Until then I'm hitting the gym to get my bod beach and bikini ready.